Sunday Summary: You're getting fat!

When friends tell you how awesome you look, 

drop the "I still have more to go" crap.  

You worked hard and 

you deserve the compliment!  

~Jillian Michaels

Week Summary and a litte more at the end. Let me skip to what you are looking for, I haven't work out, but that is where the "little more" at end comes in.

Monday: Passover, we have toddlers so they ate before we went to the Seder and sure enough we left the Seder 3 hours later (midway) still not having eaten. If you have ever been to a Seder, you know my pain. LOL

Tuesday: We did our own toddler friendly Seder, super cute, super short.

Wednesday: Played hookie from work and caught the A's Boston game. We lost. It rained.

Red Sox 5, Athletics 3

 

Thursday: Played hookie again to help a friend by taking her to medical appts, best day ever. We strolled whole foods, had a traditional Russian meal: Borscht and stuffed cabbage, then we strolled around an outdoor mall and scored awesome deals at GAP.

Friday: Played hookie from work again, this time I got to have a lovely day with my hubby who indulged me by skipping work too. Nothing fancy, just a trip to Costco, REI where I scored on sale Patagonia underpants (my favorite) and a great lunch.

If you are ever in Sacramento, CA you should try Selland's Market Cafe for lunch.

On the drive home we stopped and walked around the apartment complex we lived in while in college. Memory Lane is a pretty wonderful place.

So why am I not working out? Honestly everything I type from here on out are excuses. I am feeling constantly sleep deprived is the big one. My 1 1/2-year old has learned how to crawl out of her crib. The first few nights it was quiet, put her back in bed x3. Now it is stand in the hallway crying, put her back in bed x3. Last night we decided we'd drop the crib rail and attach the toddler bed rail since it's a convertible crib. Not the biggest success. When I am not sleep deprived at home, I am still pulling a 2x a week shift staying the night at my grandma's. Pictured below, the culprits: Me, my Bug and the Grandma.

This is where the Jillian Michaels' quote above comes in. My grandma, in all her kind, generous, loving words told me, "Your getting fat!" Yup, gotta love old people. Actually, she has always been a little feisty and always too straight forward, old is just the license to do so without much criticism. Anyhow, she said I am getting fat and she is right. It is all in the middle too. Belly fat is the hardest to lose. I was feeling strong mid-March, a little weakerk by mid-April and now I feel like a total flop. Want to know what the kicker is? We are talking about roughly 5-6 pounds. I am still a size 10, just a flabbier version of a size 10. 

When I first started losing weight last year (32 pounds of which is still gone-Whoot!) I couldn't take a compliment. I would always site that there was still more to go. If you asked me what my goal weight was this time last year I would have told you somewhere around 185 would be dreamy, but I am not sure I could maintain it. Well I held in the range of 180 for 6 months, through the hardest parts of the year Thanksgiving and the winter holiday sweets at work, pretty freak'n awesome right? Now I am about 186 and instead of seeing that while it is not the best weight given my revised goals, it is still nothing to be sad about. My recent weight gain I am certain is the sudden inconsistency of working out, sleep deprivation, poor diet and massive amounts of stress from losing my cousin in late February and now dealing with my grandmothers certain death. Home hospice is no fun, she was given a week and here we are 2 weeks later about to have a lovely family brunch. Sure I am thrilled to have more time with her and especially how lucid she is, but it has been quite the roller coaster. So why the Jillian Michaels' quote. Well the compliments are fewer and further between and I wish I had really appreciated and accepted them when I was getting them. Grandma telling me I am fat, really makes me want to be skinny. I liked the compliments even though I dismissed them. Since I gained my 1st pound back I am been back in self-deprecation mode and constantly thinking, "I still have more to go." Sure I have more to go, but it is time to refocus on how to get there, not just the end result. If I work at it the weight will fall off so now it is just a matter of getting off my a$$ and working.

I have the best intentions, I just need to act on them. I have a short term goal, finish my 1/2 marathon May 15th and hopefully I'll find out this week whether or not I get into the SF Nike Women's Marathon scheduled in mid-October. If I do, the marathon will become my long term goal for the year. At the beginning of the year, when I was all gang busters I wanted to hit 500 miles run. Unless I hunker down that goal will be hard to meet. If I get into the marathon, it won't be a problem. I also wanted to do 52,000 CORE exercises. I have a ways to go there too. I know I can do it, but again, I have to really make the commitment. Right now I am just going to take it day by day and hopefully get back to taking it a week at a time here very soon. Yesterday I almost ran, it turned into just a jaunt to the grocery store, but better than nothing. This week I hope to swim 2x (Monday and Wednesday) and run 3x, but again we'll take things a day at a time. I am out of town Thursday and Friday for a work training, it's my sister's birthday Wednesday, and Tuesday it is Water for Elephants Movie night with the book club (oh, a little massage before hand) and I just have a feeling "Me Time" the exercise version will get crowded out family time and fun relaxation. Priorities. I should be running instead of writing this blog right now, but I really love blogging. Thanks for reading.

Why I Kick A$$: I made a perfectly delicious Toddler Seder meal on Tuesday.

Thankful Three:

1. Days off from work
2. Mt. Tam Triple Cream---super yummy cheese folks
3. Brunch today with maternals then lunch with the paternals...gotta love extended family
   

Monday Motivation: A Friend

A friend is someone who 

lets you have total freedom

to be yourself.

~Jim Morrison

Ok, I finally did it, I bought a pair of vibram five fingers and I will make them my new best friends. They are an old school pair and not running specific. They did not have my size in the Bikila style and it turned out to be a blessing in disguise. I do not have intentions at this point in time on becoming a bare foot runner, but I am interested in building better foot strength and a more natural gait. So instead of waiting for my running ones to be ordered, I bought this lovely pair that I can wear casually everywhere. I am hoping I will be able to get away with wearing them at work every now and then too. They are not the fancy leather ones, but very comfortable and all black. My hubby said once I am totally into them I can just buy a running specific pair. I love it!

Why I Kick A$$: I am a few hours in to Passover (yes blogging) and haven't given in to a bread fix. Just 7+ more days to go!

Thankful Three

1. For a nap this afternoon
2. For TUMS-tummy flu is killing me
3. For my basketball league. We lost again, but I love playing and I scored 16 out of our 27 pts. It makes me feel valuable....even when we lose.

Friday Five: Damn Fool and the Secrets to Success

Everyman is a damn fool 

for at least five minutes a day; 

wisdom consists of not exceeding that.

~Elbert Hubbard

Ok, so I have been a damn fool for like 5 days. If it helps, I didn't realize there was a 5 minute rule. Thanks Mr. Hubbard. I know the recipe for success. Do you want to know what it is? I know this is going to shock you and I really should bottle it, sell it and be a billionaire... but alas I am too generous not to give this one away. Ready? When you want to be healthy, if you want to beat stress, if you want to be happy, if you want to be confident, if you want to be sexy and want everything else that is brilliant in life, this is what you do:

• Get enough sleep
• Hydrate
• Smile
• Eat when you're hungry (not bored, not emotional, like actually in need of food)
• When you eat, make sure the food you eat serves a purpose. Food is fuel, the food pyramid isn't just a cute poster from elementary school. Oh, and twinkies aren't bad...a box of twinkies however, is not the best idea.
• Exercise is great. Figure out a type you like and rock it out 3-7 days a week.
• If you think you don't have time, stop reading my blog and spend the few minutes doing CORE work. We all have plenty of time to workout. Maybe not Biggest Loser 6 hour a day workouts, but 20-30 minutes is manageable so stop kidding yourself with the no time argument.
• Enjoy something, anything. Family, cooking, reading, blogging. Just really love it.
• Get over yourself. Me. Me. Me gets old. We are small, not insignificant, but small portions of a bigger world. Have a little perspective, it helps you be kind to yourself as well as being kind to others.
• Be consistent. This is the hardest one, but seriously, no snake oil sales here. If you are consistent, you are successful. If you are consistently bad you will be successfully a lame-o. But if you are consistently doing your best and open to learning how to be better, then you will be successful. It is all in how you frame it.

Ok, now on to the real Friday Five.

1. Had the best massage today. 1.5 hours of hot stone-deep tissue torture bliss.
2. Half day at work was exactly what I needed. Pressure to get all my work done in half the time had me motivated and half day off helped me start this weekend with relaxation in mind.
3. Tomorrow night is a girls slumber party night. Wine. Jane Austen Books turned movies and great company. Did I mention the wine?
4. I have been visiting with grandma everyday. There have been late nights, an over-nighter and very little sleep trying to make the short trip out of town with these visits and still do my regular life. She is doing so well it doesn't seem like she is dying anymore. When I went to see her today she smiled brightly, looked around and clearly showed disappointment in the fact that I didn't bring my kids tonight. It was cute. So guess where the kids and I are headed after breakfast tomorrow.
5. I am really looking forward to the next couple weeks. There will be lots of work pressure trying to squeeze 40 hours of work into short weeks. Next week I only work Monday and Tuesday. Some of my days off are for vacation and one is for someone who needs me for a day. The following week I am only working on site three days and two days at an awesome offsite overnight training. Sometimes switching things up is what it takes to keep you fresh in all aspects of life.

Why I Kick A$$: While I have not worked out in 5 days, it hasn't stopped me from carbo loading. Tortillas and Beer are my current coping mechanism.

Thankful Three

1. Every moment I have with my grandma
2. Friends
3. Rice Krispy Treats made with strawberry marshmallows

Monday Motivation: Grandma

We should all have one person 

who knows how to bless us 

despite the evidence, 

Grandmother was that person to me.  

~Phyllis Theroux

Today did not start out as planned. I forgot to set my alarm. Seriously? I am really lucky I didn't have any early morning work responsibilities. I did miss Master's swim. I could've gone for a 1/2 workout instead of the full hour, but I was unsure how the coach dealt with late people and was too embarrassed to show up and risk rejection. I now have confirmation that 1/2 is better than none. I'll know for next time. Work was kind of blah, I guess a bad night's sleep, missed swim workout and a dying grandmother will do that to ya. Yeah, my 83 year old grandmother is dying. She is really young for her age, but these past 10 years have been rough. She survived a brain tumor removal, breast cancer and a mastectomy and losing my grandpa. I guess it is just too hard to fight old age when it comes barreling at you the way it has for her. The picture is of us tonight at my aunts. She has been moved home for hospice and it is so wonderful that all the family has easier access to her. The last few days at the hospital have been tough. As you can see she is happy as can be given her current state of affairs. Now it is just a matter of time. If you have a spare prayer lying around, we'll take it. We know it is her time, she knows it is her time, please prayer that these last few days, hours and minutes are pain free and peaceful.

On a positive note, I decided I wanted to try for the SF Nike Women's Marathon lottery. Wish me luck! I did the event last year and despite less than ideal conditions, did surprisingly well. I've been day-dreaming today about being fast...well fast for me. If I can easily take 8 minutes off my 1/2 marathon time, I am wondering if I can cut another 8 with training. Then I was thinking, if I can cut 40+ minutes off my half, I wonder if I can shoot for 5 hours for the full? Where are these thoughts coming from? Seriously, after my 3-weeks off, I have only been back a week and suddenly I have go getter attitude driving my fitness brain. I kinda like it. On the agenda this week. Tuesday run, Wednesday swim, Thursday stadium stairs, Friday swim, Saturday run and Sunday basketball. It's going to be full week. I am looking forward to the workouts for the outlet. My work days, grandma stuff and regular family-friend commitments are going to be taxing this week for sure so an outlet is definitely a necessity.

Why I Kick A$$: I am someone's bestfriend

Thankful Three:

1. For time with my grandma
2. For snuggling on the couch with my son
3. For snack size Fuji apples

Saturday Sampler: Dehydration

Dehydration occurs when you lose more fluid than you take in, and your body doesn't have enough water and other fluids to carry out its normal functions. If you don't replace lost fluids, you may get dehydrated. 

~MayoClinic 

Quick recap of my workouts and refocus on my fitness commitment.

Tuesday: Tri Club meeting & CORE

Wednesday: Track workout with my 3 yr old After 3 weeks off from running, I'll take what I can get

Thursday: University Stadium Stairs: WOW, still in pain from that workout. Calves & Quads are shredded.

Friday: Swim workout with Master's Swim. Got one-on-one coaching. Only did 1300m, but it was all focused on form with 250 speed workout at the end
Saturday: easy 30 min run (2.6 mi at 11:26)

So why the dehydration not above? Well, water is my nemesis. I have a water bottle on my desk at work. I have two in my car. I still ignore them. I am rarely thirsty, but pay the price with chronic calve cramping and other unmentionable side effects. You'd think I'd learn my lesson, but alas I struggle. I have read stories about eating my liquids via large fruit & veggie consumption, doing smoothies or sports drinks to take the dullness out of water in take, but the fact remains: I rarely am thirsty. My cues to drink water come way too late to prevent the painful side effects. Apparently I I need a reminder. I am going to try and program it on my calendar at work to go off every hour and maybe my iPhone. Is this super lame or what?

Lower Leg Exercises: Injury prevention tips from Runner's World 
Great article at this link above. Neat video below. Thanks Runner's World.


Why I Kick A$$: Because the Federal is not shutting down, but if it had, I would have been considered "Essential" personnel. That kind of kicks A$$ right, somebody needs me:)
Thankful Three

1. For new runner partners
2. For not chickening out of swim yesterday
3. For ice packs

The Turn Around: Refocused and Re-Energized

A person who aims at nothing 

is sure to hit it.

~unknown

Wednesday HUMP day sounds funny, but like an out and back run it marks the turn around to the work week. So now what you have all been waiting for (drum roll......) enough whining about how I don't have a plan, I NOW HAVE A PLAN! After almost 3 weeks of no running and only sporadic cross training, I have a plan. Last night I did some CORE, today I hope to run and tomorrow I have a 6AM date to run bleacher steps at a local university stadium. I am getting back into it and I am excited. My problem last training cycle was that I didn't plan adequate rest post "A race" and I did not have any overlapping goals to carry me past the PR I secured with my A race. My flame burned out. Like finishing at good book I was left kind of sad and without direction. I have learned after many a finished book that I need to have my next book planned and purchased well before I finish my current book. Most times I am reading multiple books at one time. I plan on applying the same philosophy. I am in the process of setting a progression of more immediate goals and also having an larger over arching goal.

Last night I attended my local TRI Club meeting. The topic? Goal setting and race season planning. P-E-R-F-E-C-T timing. I have decided I am going to commit to Master's swim and go 3 days a week from 5:30-6:30 am. YUP, it's kinda early, but it is the only way I can make the time commitment without affecting my family time. I will have to make some adjustments and go to bed earlier to ensure I am getting enough sleep, but it is better than the alternative...doing nothing. For 3 weeks I have been aiming at nothing and hitting that target every time. One of our teammates talked about only focusing on 2 weeks of training at a time. Life happens. Have a template and do your best, but re-evaluate every couple weeks to make sure the plan continues to be appropriate and modify accordingly. My current plan is 6 weeks culminates with a 1/2 marathon in May... I think. I haven't registered, but that is the plan I am working on today. I will plan to take at least 1 week off after the event to recuperate and get a massage. During my rest week I will not plan my next training cycle because I will already have the next one drafted and ready for evaluation and fine tuning. I feel ready, I am a little concerned that I am going back to 5-7 days of working out, but this time I will try and give myself a break when I need one and not fault myself for doing so. I don't want to burn out, but I am happiest when I am feeling healthy and strong. I think my give will be dropping 1 swim workout a week and building in more rest days for the higher mileage weeks. I like the idea of checking in every 2 weeks to make sure the plan continues to fit.

Why I Kick A$$: For figuring out how to get back on track. This is kick ass worthy people, I was in a funk. Now funks rest will be planned.

Thankful Three

1. My daughter's minor eye surgery this AM went well
2. For cute kids hospital gowns that expose tiny little tushies
3. For my tall non-fat zebra hot chocolate form Starbucks

Sunday Summary: The Wisdom of John Wooden

You can't let praise 

or criticism get to you. 

It's a weakness to get caught up in either one.

~John Wooden 

This past week I had a moment...ok a long moment. I received feedback that didn't contain as much praise as I thought I deserved and didn't appreciate some of the "constructive" feedback I got either. I had a moment. A little embarrassed I didn't suck it up better, but it is what it is. I cannot be the stoic, mature, uber-professional being that I am, 100% of the time. In fact, while I was personally disappointed that I let myself be affected by this, I held it together until I got home. I totally unloaded on my hubby, but did a decent job at work the next day by continuing to crank out high quality work products. I love John Wooden quotes. He was more than a coach. Through his model efforts and words, I know he parented many an athlete via his coaching style. When I am in need of guidance, there is a JW quote to fit all situations. 

I got to play basketball tonight for the first time in forever. It is an 8 game recreation league out of town and I am so blessed to have the opportunity to play again and be part of a team. Take a peak at a small contribution I made today, I am #4 and I lay the ball in, score and get the foul. In case you are wondering, of course I made the free throw. We unfortunately lost 36-33, but overall did well. None of us really knew each other, we all have different bball backgrounds and we had to coach ourselves. I scored 14 of our 33 pts, but miss a lot of shots. I was tired and started to slack on defense too, so I am hoping to get into better bball shape so I can contribute more to my ability. Today was such a confidence boost for me.

Why I Kick A$$: I totally made the "And One" free-throw that came with being fouled.

Thankful Three

1. John Wooden
2. a team to play with for the next couple months
3. dinner with my nieces after the game

Saturday Sampler: 2 weeks

What wild imaginations one forms 

where dear self is concerned! 

How sure to be mistaken!

~Jane Austen

Gosh, it is amazing what 2 weeks can do. I mean I hear all the Special K commercials or the Adkins start where people stop eating carbs and see a difference in just 2 weeks. Well I am not exactly talking about my weight here, although it is a factor. For 2.5 weeks I have not run. I had a great excuse the first week, I was hurting. I rested, but I didn't rehab. I wrote a post about it recently. Since identifying the fact that I have not been stretching to rehab, do you think I have turned it around? Nope. So back to what 2 weeks can do. It can do great diet things apparently, but it can also tear you down. In 2 weeks I feel 20 pounds heavier even though the scale and scarcely moved. In 2 weeks I went from confident 1/2 marathoner to depressed couch potato. How does this happen? Good thing I got my Runner's World today, I need a little print inspiration.

With the blah blah blah about 2 weeks, I know that I can get back on track in just 2 weeks! Do I sound like an info-merical? I just need to decide what returning to working out is going to look like. My aim is to:

• not burn myself out
• be consistent
• build in plenty of stretching
• slowly start multisport training

I am not a high mileage runner, but get a little burnt out by so much going on in my schedule. I am actually a little nervous about my TRI training. I haven't started yet, but April is my month to do so. Multisport hasn't really been my focus in the past. I'll usually get in a few rides, a few pool work outs and rely almost solely on running as my base for triathlons.

Other things going on...

 This is my 1 year old drinking out of the spigot we have installed for our dogs to use. Kinda cute in a gross way.

This is my new treat. I read about it in Oprah Magazine. It caught my eye at Safeway today with the "new item" tag. I am a cheese monger and pretty much treat myself to a new cheese or favorite cheese once a month. I love the label on this, it is being marketed as a breakfast cheese and substitute for cream cheese. I dig it. So I bought mini-bagels to give it whirl with. What I love is the owner of this company made a drastic change from software company job to cheese lady. I love it! I feel like I need to do something drastic, but what? I don't know. Take few weeks off work? Vacation? I love my job, but I even looked at what jobs are out there. I am not cutting or coloring my hair, been there, been traumatized by that:(

What is a fun drastic something you have done recently?

Why I Kick A$$: I completely rocked backyard clean up. Score: Me 1, Leaf Pile 0

Thankful Three

1. A lovely overcast day outside with my little ones
2. New fig flavored chevre cheese
3. Zoboomafoo

Tuesday Tidbit: The Wisdom of Girl Scout Cookies

Our chief want is someone who 

will inspire us to be 

what we know we could be.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

As painful as some research can be, I thought that for the benefit of my readers, I would tough out some serious cookie eating research. It was in the name of research folks that I consumed way too many cookies to count and you faithful followers will now benefit from my painstaking efforts. This year, Girls Scouts in our area were selling "Shout Outs." This cookie is described as a Belgian Carmelized something or other. Let's cut to it, they taste like gloried graham crackers and they are freak'n delicious. But I digress. Shout Outs have a super cute cheerleader type theme and has a word design on each cookie with the following words: LEAD, BELIEVE, LEARN, CHANGE, BUILD, CREATE and INSPIRE. Pretty bold concept, no? So what did 130 calories per 4 cookies teach me?

Ok the first thing I learned is I probably didn't have to eat sleeve after sleeve of girl scout cookies to read all the words. I could have read the images on the box or just looked at the cookies. The second thing is that even eating cookies can give us reminders about being better people and living better lives.

LEAD-options do not have to include a battalion of followers or subordinates. One can lead by example. If you smile so may others.
BELIEVE-if you are a faithful type awesome, if you are not, just believing that making a genuine effort at the things you do will result in something positive can make the differences in a good day or bad day. Getting out of bed? I believe it is worthwhile, there are some folks that struggle with just getting out of bed each day because they believe that the day has nothing positive in store for them.
LEARN-Get off your high horse, you don't know it all. As long as you recognize that and are open to new and fresh approaches, you'll be able to handle whats next...CHANGE
CHANGE-icky, anyone feeling that panicky feeling yet? Yes change is hard to digest if it is not want you want, expect or feel you are equipped to handle. Change is inevitable. Once you accept that fact, then guess what YOU are in control of how you deal with it. Resisting is futile. That is not to say you have to like it, but it is far better to expect that things will change for better or worse and be prepared for an appropriate response.
BUILD-Build on your successes. Build up your peers. Build symbiotic relationships. Build your self-esteem. You do not have to be an engineer in the SCIENCE sense, but be the engineer of your own life and build something with a strong foundation, that is structurally sound and aesthetically pleasing inside and out.
CREATE-I am so not creative in the sense that I can sew, scrapebook, paint or write eloquent poetry. I am excellent at planning, creating to-do-lists, and designing days that full of rewarding activities. Find what you do best and label yourself creative. Can you make a mean omlette? Create an ice cream sundae your kids go crazy for? Can you tie a fly that trout can't pass up? Yeah, well then guess what, you are creative. Go out and use your talent and CREATE!
INSPIRE-Believe it or not, someone is watching you. The person standing behind you in the grocery line, you kids, a neighbor...someone cares what you do and are watching you for inspiration. Do you best to be your best every day and inspire others through your actions. Pick up a piece of trash and put it in a trash bin, someone may see you and be inspired to do the same.
Why I Kick A$$-I actually read each cookie before I ate it.

Thankful Three

1. For an opportunity to say goodbye to a mentor who is retiring this week
2. To have creative liberties at work when leading my staff
3. For sunny days

Disclaimer: Uh, I guess I should say something here. I was not asked to review GS cookies and I was not given any product for free. I paid my $4 (actually more like $40 on way too many boxes of cookies). I was never a girl scout and unless I am buying cookies, I generally don't do anything else to support girl scouts. I think it is totally lame that GS cookies are only offered 1x per year.

Sunday Summary: I'm still here

Rest when you're weary. Refresh and renew yourself, 

your body, your mind, your spirit. 

Then get back to work.

~Ralph Martson

This post will not be about how fantastic my running schedule has been, because it hasn't. I was supposed to do a trail half yesterday and wussed out. I would have loved running in the mud in the rain, but really had to make a decision about how much I wanted to torture myself. After my last half a couple weeks ago I did a Krav Maga workout next day, then ran the day after that and realized I needed to recoup. What I didn't realize is that sitting on my A$$ everyday wasn't the best effort. I needed to be stretching and staying limber. So I went back to Krav Maga this past week and over did it. My right calf I think has a pulled muscle. I skipped the half yesterday in favor of a torture session deep tissue massage afterword I felt completely battered refreshed. I have signed up for two more sessions over the next 3 weeks so I can get back on track. It's time for me to rest, because I will soon need to be back to work with my fitness, life and work goals. Stay tuned for a revised plan of attack in said areas.

Here is how I have been spending my time: Eating junk food, buying way too many girl scout cookies, hanging with my cousins at the Lodi Spring Wine Show, enjoying a night out with the girls at the wine show, eating cheese, bread, gourment basil olive oil from Coldani, Ripken Tempranillo and of course GS cookies post wine show and trying to get back on track by hitting the farmers market this morning with my Bug.

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Why I Kick A$$: I make the best roasted beets. Yes, this is a reason to kick A$$ and I am sticking to it.

Thankful Three:

1. Girl Scout Shout Out Cookies
2. Monday's off to celebrate a great mentor who is retiring
3. Tall Hot Chai Latte (non-fat) with two mocha pumps and no water-Yes I feel like the folks in LA Story when I order

Tuesday Tidbit: runners block

Laziness may appear attractive, 

but work gives satisfaction.

~Anne Frank

Ugh! Where did my motivation go? I ran my 1/2 marathon March 13th, I PR'd in case you didn't know, and then Monday did my Krav Maga workout as scheduled. Tuesday I ran 2 miles to shake out my legs and BAM! Nothing. I was done. Tired. I don't even know what happened to the rest of my week. I didn't go to Krav Maga Wednesday, I didn't run Thursday or Friday either. I went to Krav Maga on Saturday and by Saturday night I was toast again. What is the deal with this recovery time? I went to Krav Maga last night, didn't run today and will be tested for my first belt in Krav Maga tomorrow night. I have a trail 1/2 marathon this Saturday and I am so not motivated to go. I know I will feel better if I run it, but I feel like I have lost my mojo and just want to be lazy for a while.

I feel like some of this funkiness is coming from the fact that I PR'd. You know the feeling when you finish a good book and you are disappointed you don't have it to look forward to anymore. Well now that I have accomplished my 1/2 marathon goal I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. I do not have a marathon picked out for this year yet and I am not certain I will choose one? Most of my triathlons are summer ones and I feel like I am in a gray area of training even though I really just got started. Does anyone do abbreviated training cycles with breaks in between?

Why I Kick A$$: Because I when I count calories I gain weight, when I pig out on junk food, I lose weight. Who knew oreos and ice cream were the way to my goal weight.

Thankful Three:

1. For hang out time with my cousins
2. For being done with the bazillion things that were on my plate at work
3. For The Office re-runs

Friday Five: O-R-E-O-S

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.

~Barbara Jordan quoting Robert Fulghum in 1987 at Middlebury College

O-is for Overwhelming. Geez it has been crazy trying to squeeze in everything I needed to do this week and I still did not get everything done. Some of it is work, some of it is workouts and the rest is well, the rest...laundry, reading and my blood donation.

R-is for Realistic. Realistically I did not accurately evaluate the time I had available for all the things I needed to do. I didn't write a list, I didn't pay attention to my calendar and I didn't make any checklists to get things done.

E-Easy. Some things are easier said then done and others are just easy. I need to get better at identifying the easy stuff, knocking them out and moving on. I loaded the washer machine two days ago. The kids had just gone to bed so I didn't want to make noise and start the load. This was two days ago. How hard is it to add soap and press the start button? Easy.

O-is for Oh well. Oh well, lots of things went my way this week, others didn't and guess what? It is not the end of the world. I pressed start on that load of laundry today. I left work with an idea of how my Monday needs to go. I am ready for my workout tomorrow and at some point I plan to read while relaxing. The blood donation? Well, I'll have to check my calendar to schedule that one.

S-is for sweet. Sweet sleep. Sweet babies. Sweet husband. Sweet Saturday. Sweet Sunday. I love sweets and I am blessed with the sweetest family, sweetest friends and sweetest treats to share with the people I love. Life is Sweet.

Why I Kick A$$: I met my best friend for dinner last night and coffee after. We sat in my car with our lattes chatting and my battery died. Oops! Good thing I am a woman who carries jumper cables. Usually I am the one helping others, I Kick A$$ for being prepared to help myself.

Thankful Three

1. Oreos. Tonight we blended them with vanilla ice cream and topped it with a whole Oreo and gummy worms. YUMMY!
2. For a little running break. My partner baled on our Thursday run and apparently I needed the rest too.
3. For the weekend, time to find my center

Tuesday Tidbit: 26 to be precise

Now I know my ABC's 

next time won't you sing with me!

(A) Age: 31, not an exciting number, but it's mine and I am totally owning it

(B) Bed Size: CalKing.best.purchase.ever.

(C) Chore You Hate: All of them.

(D) Dogs? Yes. Two. Elaine, "Lainey" cutest little shepard/collie mix and Arthur our alpha male, blocky head pure bred labrador. 

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: scrunchie, like 1980's fluffy scrunchie. I hate having my hair down.

(F) Favorite Color: Gray and pink

(G) Gold or Silver? White gold

(H) Height: 5ft 10 1/2 in (that 1/2 is a big deal)

(I) Instruments You Play: Cornet/trumpet and french horn...yes I was a band geek

(J) Job Title: Operations Supervisor-says a lot, right? I am a Federal Employee and that is as much specificity as I like to give about my employer.

(K) Kids: Two perfect children (boy and a girl). Duder is 3 and The Bug is 1 1/2

(L) Live: California

(M) Mom's Name: how is this for Super-Mexican: Maria Guadalupe

(N) Nicknames: Soph, Sophie, Turtle

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? too many, most recent? My beautiful Bug's birth

(P) Pet Peeve: When people speak over authoritatively about something they are obviously under educated about or just flat out wrong about.

(Q) Quote from a Movie: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. ~Lucas in Empire Records

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right.

(S) Siblings: Two older sisters.

(T) Time You Wake Up? On run days, 4:45 a.m. non-run days around 6:30 or 7:00.... when I am off the running bandwagon I will sleep as long as the kids let me.

(U) Underwear: always, comando is not really my thing. style? bikini briefs

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: What? I've never met a vegetable I didn't like.

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Me. I over estimate the time I have available and under estimate how much time I will take to do things. If I have 5 minutes to spare, I try to squeeze in 30 minutes worth of work.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: everything but my elbows and toes pretty much

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Several varieties of hearty barley soups, Cocido (Mexican beef soup with delicious vegetables including Chayote squash), Carbonara, Risotto and fudge

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Turtles, DUH!
Why I Kick A$$: Did I tell you I PR'd on Sunday? Yay, I am still riding that wave. 
Thankful Three

1. Krav Maga
2. Chobani bulk packs at Costco
3. my new found resolve to get my belly under control 

Monday Motivation: Jell-O Shots and a PR

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.

~George Sheehan

I confess. I.Self.Sabotage. Do you do this? Do you set yourself up for failure? I don't know what my deal is with success, but I am deathly afraid of it. Maybe that is my subconscious's strategy, set self up to fail, then when I don't fail, SUCCESS! Good strategy, eh? It could be that when one succeeds the level of expectation for that person rises. When one succeeds, people expect continued success, higher levels of performance and on and on. It is weird because generally I tend to be wildly successful, not bragging in the least. I am a very lucky girl and have more to be thankful for than I had any right ever to expect in my life. Nice people like to tell me it is because I work hard, I have overcome obstacles and deserve it. Blah-Blah-Blah. I know I am lucky and damn it I am sticking to it. I will continue to work my A$$ off since I do not expect the luck/good fortune that is continuously bestowed upon me. So why am I telling you all of this?

A month or so ago I found out about my friends going away party. She is one of my oldest friends and has joined the Army Reserves and will be leaving for several months of training. I knew I wouldn't be able to miss it and it was scheduled for the day before my Spring "A" race 1/2 marathon. So I had to make some decisions. I had already paid for my race, was half way through my training and didn't want to totally trash the race in favor of a party night. I also had a Krav Maga 2-hour workshop scheduled to prepare me for my belt testing later this month. Fortunately the workshop was exactly that, a workshop. I had worried it was going to be a 2-hour full on work out that would fatigue me for Sunday's race. Thankfully the party was broken up into two sections too, so it looked like my full Saturday wasn't going to completely throw off my Sunday event. The pre-party 6:30-10:00 and the party bus/bar hopping 10:00-whenever. I opted for the pre-party only and thought I would have one celebratory drink.

Yeah, um I am not sure exactly how many jell-O shots I had (they were mini's) but it was some where around 12 and the main drink was "jungle juice," only had a couple of those. I was sure I was done when the chug a beer with other wussy beer chuggers gauntlet as thrown. Normally I wouldn't compete, but the other three girls also claimed to have difficulty chugging so I was in. Loser had to drink another beer. As you might have suspected, I was the lucky winner. I have never won a beer chugging contest. I am pretty sure it took me about 5 minutes and I still won!

I also chose a 1/2 marathon scheduled for the weekend of the daylight savings time change. I got home relatively early Saturday night, but because of road closures I needed to get to the race site far earlier than any race director should ever make people show up. UGH! I seriously was close to falling asleep driving. When I got to the race I seriously considered taking a 1/2 hour nap in the car, but was afraid I'd sleep through my phone alarm.

Yup, while I brushed my teeth, I wasn't so awake when I left home that I felt like washing my Saturday night make up off. In case you were wondering blue eye-shadow was not just an 80's thing.

The Acutal Report:

• The gun went off and the crowd was so thick we were walking a good amount of time. We went in front of Raley Field, home of the Rivercats Baseball Team, then over a Golden Bridge which you can see in the background of the finish photo of my sorority sister and I. Only half the road as closed so the trip over the bridge and to the Sacramento State capitol was severely conjested. My garmin read something like a 12 min pace for a long while so half mile in I already felt pressured to run hard to get with my pace group. By pace group, I mean I was hoping to get the 2:10 pace group in my sights.
• Around mile 2 I finally got passed the 2:20 pace group and mentally decided to just try and stay ahead of the 2:20 group since my previous PR was 2:22 and change.
• Mile 3  I was already beating my 5K PR time and was feeling pretty good. I walked through the aid station at 3.5 and kind freaked out at the garmin response. To see 10:00 min pace drop to 11:30 so quickly kept me on my toes to not walk too much.Miles 4-9 were on paved trail along the American River and crossed two bridges. It was ok, but I remember really having to focus on my breath to keep moving at my goal race pace. I walked an aid station as planned just shy of mile 6. At mile 6 I was on track to beat my 10K PR time and felt really motivated that I could RUN the rest of this race. I emphasize RUN because up until this point in my running life I have jogging and not really pushed myself. This race I really felt like for the first time I was really going to leave it all out on the field. It was a pretty cool thought.
• Mile 7 was by far the longest mile ever and I can't for the life of me tell you why, but the marker felt like it was never going to appear. Around mile 8 I started to feel some aches in my left hip flexor and tightness in my right knee. I really focused on form this mile to make it through. It was around this point that I decided that I really don't want to do a full marathon this year.
• Just shy of mile 9 I decided I was going to walk, then magically the mile 9 marker appeared and with it a new sense of resolve. At mile 9 I didn't think, "Ah man, 4 more miles?" I thought, "hell yeah, I can knock out 4 miles!" We were in Old Sacramento at this point and there were people cheering so I was moving! The aid station as we exited Old Sac was not prepared for us and so I skipped the station and my scheduled walk break.
• Mile 10 I felt tired. Like I wanted to stop, lay on the ground and sleep kind of tired. I let myself walk a few feet.
• Mile 11 sucked and my feet hurt. Yes, the whiner in me was coming out. I still ran, but every step was effort. My breathing was not controlled.
• Mile 12 we are back crossing that damn Gold Bridge and while I am telling myself I can do anything for 1.1 miles and hoping I could magically convince my legs to run an 8 min mile. On the flip side I wasn't exactly giving myself positive reinforcement or encouragement. My brain sounded something like this: "What's wrong with you?" "You have come this far and now you have to walk?" "You're terrible, it is times like this that it's all heart, apparently you lack in this arena. ""It is a mental game, you are supposed to be able to do this." I know, I am embarassed that I do this to myself, but there you have it. Me in all my honesty.
• Passing in front of the ball park to loop around into the park for a third base line finish line finish. There were a couple moments where I really tried to will myself to a hard sprint, only the the last tenth of a mile that was in the stadium got the super duper effort.

Even though I knew it was a huge PR for me, I was disappointed. I let my meaness to myself in the last miles over shadow how freak'n awesome I did. While my goals were to: A. Best Case break 2:15, B. Happy Case anything under my 2:22 previous PR, C. worst case just FINISH, I still found myself on the course thinking I could grow wings and hit 2:10. It wasn't until I got home and uploaded my garmin information that I was truly impressed with myself. Just think if I had hydrated properly, not binge ate junk food the 3 days leading up to the race, got 8 hours sleep and done even 1 of my speed workouts how well I could have done. I need to start focusing on setting myself up for SUCCESS!
Mile 1      10:42
Mile 2      10:08
Mile 3       9:52
Mile 4      10:17
Mile 5      10:09
Mile 6      10:19
Mile 7      9:54
Mile 8      10:20
Mile 9      10:23
Mile 10    10:06
Mile 11    10:29
Mile 12    10:25
Mile 13    10:05
Mile 13.1 :47 (8:00 min pace)
My Garmin Read 2:14:01

The official Race time is 2:13:58!

Here is me and one of my sorority sister's before the race and after.

   

Why I Kick A$$: Because I totally took advantage of the personalized bib thing. Isn't this super cute?!

Thankful Three:

1. For being prepared. Despite my self sabotage with Saturday's impossible schedule, I was physically prepared for the 1/2 and therefore still had the opportunity to succeed
2. For my vision board, I guess it kinda worked (see the break 2:15 goal)
3. For my garmin

 Yes my vision board is totally shoty, I need to take a glue gun to it and flesh it out a bit.

Sunday Summary: Spring Forward PR

If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.  

~J.M. Power

2:14:01

unofficial half marathon time, but definitely a PR

I hated that this morning was Spring Forward, I really could have fallen asleep driving to the event.

Why I Kick A$$: I PR'd

Thankful Three

1. For sorority sisters who run
2. The fort in my living room right now
3. My new rice/heat thingy

I'm Back!

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

~John Wooden

Positive Energy Nets Positive Results. It is our quarterly quote at work and I am working on owning it. Things have not always gone my way, but lately I have been embracing the idea that my circumstances are my own and I can make the best of them so I can shoot for the best possible outcome. Here's how this relates:

My Running Life

My A race this spring is this Sunday's 1/2 marathon. I have an opportunity at a Krav Maga workshop this Saturday that will prepare me for my first belt testing. So what did I do? I signed up for the Krav Maga workshop. The downside is I will probably have some decent muscle fatigue Sunday from Saturday's effort. I want to PR, but know that it may not be in the cards for me. I am happy with my training, my consistent weekly runs and how I have taken on trail runs for my long runs so better prepare myself for an easier time on my flat 1/2 marathon. Oh, did I mention I am going to a going away party on Saturday night? Not the best move, but I can't miss saying bye to a great friend as she starts her new journey as a military woman. Anyway, I am really hopeful my mental preparedness will make up for any physical fatigue that might hold me back.

My Work Life

I haven't gotten every promotion I have put in for, bummer. But I have made it my mission to improve the team that lead and thereby make a positive impact on the office as a whole and things are working out. We had a big wig meeting last week and I really felt like I put my best foot forward. One can only do their best and despite some crazy family life issues recently, I really felt like overall I was on my game.

My Home Life

My babies have been sick. Like the whole vomiting in the middle of the night kind of sick. I feel awful for them, but on the happy side, snuggling sick babies at 3 AM while watching A Bug's Life until their tummy settles is pretty precious. In other home life news you all probably have read my cousin died. I am sad, but the whole funeral service was focused on what's next? How will we as family and friends continue a life that was cut short? Some of my family is talking about doing relay for life because she died of a rare cancer. Others are donating blood at specific blood banks that will contribute $10 to the local hospital where she spent her last days for every donation received. I have never donated blood, but I made the call yesterday to get the low down and I am hoping to make Monday 3/14 my first day to donate. Hopefully it is not too traumatic. I am have been too chicken to donate before now, but feel that extra push to give it a try. If I can handle it, I will start the schedule of donating every 56 days which is the max frequency. As for relay for life, I am still researching, but may do it as a family activity to honor her. I don't think I will be one of those people who run with her name on my shirt or anything like that, I know it will come off as completely selfish, but I run for me and am not mature enough to make it about any one else just yet.

Why I Kick A$$: Even when I was grieving (i.e. binge eating on junk food and sleeping for 9 hours a night) I still tracked my calories. 

 

It helped me not go super overboard, but I am annoyed I still gained weight even though I was running and staying in a reasonable calorie range. A friend of mine said the stress could have caused all kinds of imbalances so I'll wait it out. If by April 1st I am still not comfortably in my pants and rock'n a hot body, I may have to try something different.

 

Thankful Three

1. For smooth tequila and chocolate chip cookies
2. For Baskin Robin's mint chocolate chip sundaes
3. Movie night with my family

Thoughtful Thursday...oops on Wednesday: Mental Chaos

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.

~Henry Miller

This post was going to be a short one liner about how my cousin died Monday and I am having a hard time remaining focused. My plan was to let you all know that I need a break and would be back next week sometime. Instead I am sitting here and all kinds of thoughts are going through my brain. It is literally mental chaos. With no rhyme or reason to the order here is a little peak inside.

• Today I went to work, I posted our quarterly quote to our glass display "Positive Energy Nets Positive Results," colored up all the management cubicles with green four leaf clovers,  semi-decorated our break room, and sent out a message to staff that our March Fun Friday colors are going to be purple or green to celebrate St. Patty's Day/Mardi Gras. Sounds peppy right? Nope, I tried to fake it, but I felt like a total zombie. I think it is important to create a positive work atmosphere even if I am teetering on a complete emotional break down and total normalcy. It's weird to be on the edge.
• I found out just before mid-night on Monday that my cousin died. I didn't sleep well/at all and had a 5:00 AM running date. I was so thankful for my running date. My feet felt light, I was finally not feeling the sinus cold/flu I have been battling for a couple weeks and the easy 3 miles flew by. I am thankful for running, running partners and the mental freedom I felt on that run.
• Krav Maga has been going well, I am learning to defend against choke holds and attacks when I have been knocked to the ground. There is a workshop day Saturday the 12th that is supposed to prepare us for testing for the yellow belt. I am currently without belt. It is kind of exciting to see results of my training and I am excited to hopefully move on to the next level.
• My half marathon training is going pretty well. I am far more consistent with my weekly runs and long runs this time around. The one thing I have not been doing is a mid week longer run. Tomorrow I'll get to put in 5 with my running partner and that will be a good mid week given I have a 10 mile trail run Saturday.
• My intention was to PR my half marathon on Sunday March 13th. With a 2 hour Krav Maga prep session, I need to get comfortable with the idea that my body may be a bit worn out on Sunday. Not to mention that a friend who recently joined the military is having a going away party that night. If I don't control the things that I can to prep for a PR, I can't reasonably expect to PR.
• I got a great fortune cookie fortune, pre-cousin's death news. It said, "Your hard work will soon pay off." I had a whole post in mind about how it could mean I am going to rock my half marathon or that the big visit with the big boss at work tomorrow was going to yield a high-five or two from a big wig, but instead all I can think about is how behind I feel in my work life because my mental focus isn't what it normally is.
• I started tracking my calories again Monday. Mel over at Tall Mom on the Run blogged recently about hitting the "Reset" button. I am too lazy to link to her or the specific post so please if you are interested, google and check the blog archive. In a nutshell, and I believe even she was referencing someone else, she talked about hitting the reset button on her weight. I am up a bit on my weight and was ready to restart. The second I even said the words I felt like I was starving. Given the things on my mind lately, I can't tell you how much I would rather be sitting on my couch binging on ice cream and other junk food to try and "feel better."
• I am fairly sure I had something else to say, but I was temporarily distracted by a funny scene on the TV show Modern Family and can't remember. Oh wait, I remember, I have a bruising right eye and while it hurt, it just starting bruising today and I couldn't remember how that happened. My guess, I probably got hit at Krav Maga class Monday night.

If I am back before Monday great, if not I plead Chaotic Mind syndrome.

Why I Kick A$$: I actually blogged today and totally had to come back and update it since apparently it is not Thursday. Geez, my brain is pudding right now. Mmm, pudding sounds good, not brain pudding, but chocolate pudding.

Thankful Three:

1. For genuine laughing while watching Modern Family with Super Hubby
2. For Jamba Juice Peanut Butter Moo'd at afternoon break
3. For my family and the time get to spend with them