Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.
I confess. I.Self.Sabotage. Do you do this? Do you set yourself up for failure? I don't know what my deal is with success, but I am deathly afraid of it. Maybe that is my subconscious's strategy, set self up to fail, then when I don't fail, SUCCESS! Good strategy, eh? It could be that when one succeeds the level of expectation for that person rises. When one succeeds, people expect continued success, higher levels of performance and on and on. It is weird because generally I tend to be wildly successful, not bragging in the least. I am a very lucky girl and have more to be thankful for than I had any right ever to expect in my life. Nice people like to tell me it is because I work hard, I have overcome obstacles and deserve it. Blah-Blah-Blah. I know I am lucky and damn it I am sticking to it. I will continue to work my A$$ off since I do not expect the luck/good fortune that is continuously bestowed upon me. So why am I telling you all of this?
A month or so ago I found out about my friends going away party. She is one of my oldest friends and has joined the Army Reserves and will be leaving for several months of training. I knew I wouldn't be able to miss it and it was scheduled for the day before my Spring "A" race 1/2 marathon. So I had to make some decisions. I had already paid for my race, was half way through my training and didn't want to totally trash the race in favor of a party night. I also had a Krav Maga 2-hour workshop scheduled to prepare me for my belt testing later this month. Fortunately the workshop was exactly that, a workshop. I had worried it was going to be a 2-hour full on work out that would fatigue me for Sunday's race. Thankfully the party was broken up into two sections too, so it looked like my full Saturday wasn't going to completely throw off my Sunday event. The pre-party 6:30-10:00 and the party bus/bar hopping 10:00-whenever. I opted for the pre-party only and thought I would have one celebratory drink.
Yup, while I brushed my teeth, I wasn't so awake when I left home that I felt like washing my Saturday night make up off. In case you were wondering blue eye-shadow was not just an 80's thing.
The Acutal Report:
- The gun went off and the crowd was so thick we were walking a good amount of time. We went in front of Raley Field, home of the Rivercats Baseball Team, then over a Golden Bridge which you can see in the background of the finish photo of my sorority sister and I. Only half the road as closed so the trip over the bridge and to the Sacramento State capitol was severely conjested. My garmin read something like a 12 min pace for a long while so half mile in I already felt pressured to run hard to get with my pace group. By pace group, I mean I was hoping to get the 2:10 pace group in my sights.
- Around mile 2 I finally got passed the 2:20 pace group and mentally decided to just try and stay ahead of the 2:20 group since my previous PR was 2:22 and change.
- Mile 3 I was already beating my 5K PR time and was feeling pretty good. I walked through the aid station at 3.5 and kind freaked out at the garmin response. To see 10:00 min pace drop to 11:30 so quickly kept me on my toes to not walk too much.Miles 4-9 were on paved trail along the American River and crossed two bridges. It was ok, but I remember really having to focus on my breath to keep moving at my goal race pace. I walked an aid station as planned just shy of mile 6. At mile 6 I was on track to beat my 10K PR time and felt really motivated that I could RUN the rest of this race. I emphasize RUN because up until this point in my running life I have jogging and not really pushed myself. This race I really felt like for the first time I was really going to leave it all out on the field. It was a pretty cool thought.
- Mile 7 was by far the longest mile ever and I can't for the life of me tell you why, but the marker felt like it was never going to appear. Around mile 8 I started to feel some aches in my left hip flexor and tightness in my right knee. I really focused on form this mile to make it through. It was around this point that I decided that I really don't want to do a full marathon this year.
- Just shy of mile 9 I decided I was going to walk, then magically the mile 9 marker appeared and with it a new sense of resolve. At mile 9 I didn't think, "Ah man, 4 more miles?" I thought, "hell yeah, I can knock out 4 miles!" We were in Old Sacramento at this point and there were people cheering so I was moving! The aid station as we exited Old Sac was not prepared for us and so I skipped the station and my scheduled walk break.
- Mile 10 I felt tired. Like I wanted to stop, lay on the ground and sleep kind of tired. I let myself walk a few feet.
- Mile 11 sucked and my feet hurt. Yes, the whiner in me was coming out. I still ran, but every step was effort. My breathing was not controlled.
- Mile 12 we are back crossing that damn Gold Bridge and while I am telling myself I can do anything for 1.1 miles and hoping I could magically convince my legs to run an 8 min mile. On the flip side I wasn't exactly giving myself positive reinforcement or encouragement. My brain sounded something like this: "What's wrong with you?" "You have come this far and now you have to walk?" "You're terrible, it is times like this that it's all heart, apparently you lack in this arena. ""It is a mental game, you are supposed to be able to do this." I know, I am embarassed that I do this to myself, but there you have it. Me in all my honesty.
- Passing in front of the ball park to loop around into the park for a third base line finish line finish. There were a couple moments where I really tried to will myself to a hard sprint, only the the last tenth of a mile that was in the stadium got the super duper effort.
Mile 1 10:42
Mile 2 10:08
Mile 3 9:52
Mile 4 10:17
Mile 5 10:09
Mile 6 10:19
Mile 7 9:54
Mile 8 10:20
Mile 9 10:23
Mile 10 10:06
Mile 11 10:29
Mile 12 10:25
Mile 13 10:05
Mile 13.1 :47 (8:00 min pace)
My Garmin Read 2:14:01
The official Race time is 2:13:58!
Here is me and one of my sorority sister's before the race and after.
Why I Kick A$$: Because I totally took advantage of the personalized bib thing. Isn't this super cute?!
- For being prepared. Despite my self sabotage with Saturday's impossible schedule, I was physically prepared for the 1/2 and therefore still had the opportunity to succeed
- For my vision board, I guess it kinda worked (see the break 2:15 goal)
- For my garmin
Yes my vision board is totally shoty, I need to take a glue gun to it and flesh it out a bit.