Thoughtful Thursday: Success?

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.
~Henry David Thoreau

 

There are so many definitions of success. Usually it has been black and white for me. I win or I lose. I am the best or I am not. I finish or I DNF. I am fat or I am not. I have the worst time with the in-between, the gray areas and the things I think I should control and the things I cannot. It is so hard when success is not so black and white. As I embark on this new season I need to redefine success for myself. Unfortunately I need definition, but I am going to work on making those definitions help propel me forward vs. making me feel held back. I have been feeling lost lately and I guess that is where I am starting with this blog. That Thoreau guy is pretty smart. Yesterday I felt really lost. I am not lost, but feeling that way made me re-look at the things I consider successes and failures. Honestly in doing so I haven't really had any failures lately. Don't get me wrong, I am sure things have not panned out perfectly in everything I have done or that has happened to me, but I don't feel like a failure.

 

What has been great?

• Um, hello? Family! My daughter is walking, she'll be 1 next month and I have a birthday party to plan. My son starts tot basketball this coming Saturday and I get to be the head coach. He'll turn 3 in a couple weeks so planning his birthday makes me feel like a good mom.
• Husband. We have done a really good job at planning weekends together and have a great fishing/hiking expedition coming up in a couple weeks.
• Work. So I may not be advancing at the pace I had set out for myself when I was young, unmarried and childless, but here is the deal: I have made choices. Another success quote: "One secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes." ~ Benjamin Disraeli. Well opportunity sure has presented itself, there has been no shortage of that, unfortunately I needed to be ready. While I have certainly been equipped with the tools on the job, I have also been mothering two children and trying to balance that with being a decent wife. Meaning, I wasn't ready. Another quote, "Lost time is never found again" Benjamin Franklin. I have chosen not to lose time with my family and put off some career advancement moves. Now I am ready to put myself out for some select opportunities. Unfortunately, putting myself out there means preparing myself for disappointment. Not advancing at this point in my career is not failure, it is not missed opportunity. At this point, if I do not end up in the place I want to be, it means that it was not the right opportunity for me. I am very good at my job, but I know I am limiting myself by only choosing to go after select positions.
• My ITB has not bothered me in the least since I started physical therapy
• At the beginning of the summer my running goal was to run a sub 10 minute mile. If I didn't make it, it wasn't going to be a failure, just a continued goal. In case you were wondering, the sub 10 minute mile was totally achieved and this morning I hit 9:07. 

So whats next?

• The TRI club championships Sunday 9/26
• 3 birthday parties! son, hubby and daughter in October
• 1/2 marathon 10/3
• Nike Women's Marathon 10/17
• 50K bike ride 11/07
• 1/2 marathon 11/14
• 6 year wedding anniversary
• New mission? Sub 9:00 minute miles.

What this blog post is not. This is not a way to make failures sound ok. I am not looking for excuses and there are going to be failures. I am certain of that. What I am doing and which is a continuation of my 31 to 31 efforts this past summer, is being nicer and kinder to myself. When I am nice to myself, it seems that I have more success.

Thankful Three

1. For the value of putting out into the world the positive energy I want to feel in my life so that I don't feel so lost
2. For breaking 10 minute miles with gusto
3. For taking a few hours off work to catch up on my TV DVR'd shows