Tuesday Tidbit: The Wisdom of Girl Scout Cookies

Our chief want is someone who 

will inspire us to be 

what we know we could be.

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

As painful as some research can be, I thought that for the benefit of my readers, I would tough out some serious cookie eating research. It was in the name of research folks that I consumed way too many cookies to count and you faithful followers will now benefit from my painstaking efforts. This year, Girls Scouts in our area were selling "Shout Outs." This cookie is described as a Belgian Carmelized something or other. Let's cut to it, they taste like gloried graham crackers and they are freak'n delicious. But I digress. Shout Outs have a super cute cheerleader type theme and has a word design on each cookie with the following words: LEAD, BELIEVE, LEARN, CHANGE, BUILD, CREATE and INSPIRE. Pretty bold concept, no? So what did 130 calories per 4 cookies teach me?

Ok the first thing I learned is I probably didn't have to eat sleeve after sleeve of girl scout cookies to read all the words. I could have read the images on the box or just looked at the cookies. The second thing is that even eating cookies can give us reminders about being better people and living better lives.

LEAD-options do not have to include a battalion of followers or subordinates. One can lead by example. If you smile so may others.
BELIEVE-if you are a faithful type awesome, if you are not, just believing that making a genuine effort at the things you do will result in something positive can make the differences in a good day or bad day. Getting out of bed? I believe it is worthwhile, there are some folks that struggle with just getting out of bed each day because they believe that the day has nothing positive in store for them.
LEARN-Get off your high horse, you don't know it all. As long as you recognize that and are open to new and fresh approaches, you'll be able to handle whats next...CHANGE
CHANGE-icky, anyone feeling that panicky feeling yet? Yes change is hard to digest if it is not want you want, expect or feel you are equipped to handle. Change is inevitable. Once you accept that fact, then guess what YOU are in control of how you deal with it. Resisting is futile. That is not to say you have to like it, but it is far better to expect that things will change for better or worse and be prepared for an appropriate response.
BUILD-Build on your successes. Build up your peers. Build symbiotic relationships. Build your self-esteem. You do not have to be an engineer in the SCIENCE sense, but be the engineer of your own life and build something with a strong foundation, that is structurally sound and aesthetically pleasing inside and out.
CREATE-I am so not creative in the sense that I can sew, scrapebook, paint or write eloquent poetry. I am excellent at planning, creating to-do-lists, and designing days that full of rewarding activities. Find what you do best and label yourself creative. Can you make a mean omlette? Create an ice cream sundae your kids go crazy for? Can you tie a fly that trout can't pass up? Yeah, well then guess what, you are creative. Go out and use your talent and CREATE!
INSPIRE-Believe it or not, someone is watching you. The person standing behind you in the grocery line, you kids, a neighbor...someone cares what you do and are watching you for inspiration. Do you best to be your best every day and inspire others through your actions. Pick up a piece of trash and put it in a trash bin, someone may see you and be inspired to do the same.
Why I Kick A$$-I actually read each cookie before I ate it.

Thankful Three

1. For an opportunity to say goodbye to a mentor who is retiring this week
2. To have creative liberties at work when leading my staff
3. For sunny days

Disclaimer: Uh, I guess I should say something here. I was not asked to review GS cookies and I was not given any product for free. I paid my $4 (actually more like $40 on way too many boxes of cookies). I was never a girl scout and unless I am buying cookies, I generally don't do anything else to support girl scouts. I think it is totally lame that GS cookies are only offered 1x per year.

Sunday Summary: I'm still here

Rest when you're weary. Refresh and renew yourself, 

your body, your mind, your spirit. 

Then get back to work.

~Ralph Martson

This post will not be about how fantastic my running schedule has been, because it hasn't. I was supposed to do a trail half yesterday and wussed out. I would have loved running in the mud in the rain, but really had to make a decision about how much I wanted to torture myself. After my last half a couple weeks ago I did a Krav Maga workout next day, then ran the day after that and realized I needed to recoup. What I didn't realize is that sitting on my A$$ everyday wasn't the best effort. I needed to be stretching and staying limber. So I went back to Krav Maga this past week and over did it. My right calf I think has a pulled muscle. I skipped the half yesterday in favor of a torture session deep tissue massage afterword I felt completely battered refreshed. I have signed up for two more sessions over the next 3 weeks so I can get back on track. It's time for me to rest, because I will soon need to be back to work with my fitness, life and work goals. Stay tuned for a revised plan of attack in said areas.

Here is how I have been spending my time: Eating junk food, buying way too many girl scout cookies, hanging with my cousins at the Lodi Spring Wine Show, enjoying a night out with the girls at the wine show, eating cheese, bread, gourment basil olive oil from Coldani, Ripken Tempranillo and of course GS cookies post wine show and trying to get back on track by hitting the farmers market this morning with my Bug.

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Why I Kick A$$: I make the best roasted beets. Yes, this is a reason to kick A$$ and I am sticking to it.

Thankful Three:

1. Girl Scout Shout Out Cookies
2. Monday's off to celebrate a great mentor who is retiring
3. Tall Hot Chai Latte (non-fat) with two mocha pumps and no water-Yes I feel like the folks in LA Story when I order

Tuesday Tidbit: runners block

Laziness may appear attractive, 

but work gives satisfaction.

~Anne Frank

Ugh! Where did my motivation go? I ran my 1/2 marathon March 13th, I PR'd in case you didn't know, and then Monday did my Krav Maga workout as scheduled. Tuesday I ran 2 miles to shake out my legs and BAM! Nothing. I was done. Tired. I don't even know what happened to the rest of my week. I didn't go to Krav Maga Wednesday, I didn't run Thursday or Friday either. I went to Krav Maga on Saturday and by Saturday night I was toast again. What is the deal with this recovery time? I went to Krav Maga last night, didn't run today and will be tested for my first belt in Krav Maga tomorrow night. I have a trail 1/2 marathon this Saturday and I am so not motivated to go. I know I will feel better if I run it, but I feel like I have lost my mojo and just want to be lazy for a while.

I feel like some of this funkiness is coming from the fact that I PR'd. You know the feeling when you finish a good book and you are disappointed you don't have it to look forward to anymore. Well now that I have accomplished my 1/2 marathon goal I don't really know what to do with myself anymore. I do not have a marathon picked out for this year yet and I am not certain I will choose one? Most of my triathlons are summer ones and I feel like I am in a gray area of training even though I really just got started. Does anyone do abbreviated training cycles with breaks in between?

Why I Kick A$$: Because I when I count calories I gain weight, when I pig out on junk food, I lose weight. Who knew oreos and ice cream were the way to my goal weight.

Thankful Three:

1. For hang out time with my cousins
2. For being done with the bazillion things that were on my plate at work
3. For The Office re-runs

Friday Five: O-R-E-O-S

Think what a better world it would be if we all, the whole world, had cookies and milk about three o'clock every afternoon and then lay down on our blankets for a nap.

~Barbara Jordan quoting Robert Fulghum in 1987 at Middlebury College

O-is for Overwhelming. Geez it has been crazy trying to squeeze in everything I needed to do this week and I still did not get everything done. Some of it is work, some of it is workouts and the rest is well, the rest...laundry, reading and my blood donation.

R-is for Realistic. Realistically I did not accurately evaluate the time I had available for all the things I needed to do. I didn't write a list, I didn't pay attention to my calendar and I didn't make any checklists to get things done.

E-Easy. Some things are easier said then done and others are just easy. I need to get better at identifying the easy stuff, knocking them out and moving on. I loaded the washer machine two days ago. The kids had just gone to bed so I didn't want to make noise and start the load. This was two days ago. How hard is it to add soap and press the start button? Easy.

O-is for Oh well. Oh well, lots of things went my way this week, others didn't and guess what? It is not the end of the world. I pressed start on that load of laundry today. I left work with an idea of how my Monday needs to go. I am ready for my workout tomorrow and at some point I plan to read while relaxing. The blood donation? Well, I'll have to check my calendar to schedule that one.

S-is for sweet. Sweet sleep. Sweet babies. Sweet husband. Sweet Saturday. Sweet Sunday. I love sweets and I am blessed with the sweetest family, sweetest friends and sweetest treats to share with the people I love. Life is Sweet.

Why I Kick A$$: I met my best friend for dinner last night and coffee after. We sat in my car with our lattes chatting and my battery died. Oops! Good thing I am a woman who carries jumper cables. Usually I am the one helping others, I Kick A$$ for being prepared to help myself.

Thankful Three

1. Oreos. Tonight we blended them with vanilla ice cream and topped it with a whole Oreo and gummy worms. YUMMY!
2. For a little running break. My partner baled on our Thursday run and apparently I needed the rest too.
3. For the weekend, time to find my center

Tuesday Tidbit: 26 to be precise

Now I know my ABC's 

next time won't you sing with me!

(A) Age: 31, not an exciting number, but it's mine and I am totally owning it

(B) Bed Size: CalKing.best.purchase.ever.

(C) Chore You Hate: All of them.

(D) Dogs? Yes. Two. Elaine, "Lainey" cutest little shepard/collie mix and Arthur our alpha male, blocky head pure bred labrador. 

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: scrunchie, like 1980's fluffy scrunchie. I hate having my hair down.

(F) Favorite Color: Gray and pink

(G) Gold or Silver? White gold

(H) Height: 5ft 10 1/2 in (that 1/2 is a big deal)

(I) Instruments You Play: Cornet/trumpet and french horn...yes I was a band geek

(J) Job Title: Operations Supervisor-says a lot, right? I am a Federal Employee and that is as much specificity as I like to give about my employer.

(K) Kids: Two perfect children (boy and a girl). Duder is 3 and The Bug is 1 1/2

(L) Live: California

(M) Mom's Name: how is this for Super-Mexican: Maria Guadalupe

(N) Nicknames: Soph, Sophie, Turtle

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? too many, most recent? My beautiful Bug's birth

(P) Pet Peeve: When people speak over authoritatively about something they are obviously under educated about or just flat out wrong about.

(Q) Quote from a Movie: Who knows where thoughts come from? They just appear. ~Lucas in Empire Records

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right.

(S) Siblings: Two older sisters.

(T) Time You Wake Up? On run days, 4:45 a.m. non-run days around 6:30 or 7:00.... when I am off the running bandwagon I will sleep as long as the kids let me.

(U) Underwear: always, comando is not really my thing. style? bikini briefs

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: What? I've never met a vegetable I didn't like.

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Me. I over estimate the time I have available and under estimate how much time I will take to do things. If I have 5 minutes to spare, I try to squeeze in 30 minutes worth of work.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: everything but my elbows and toes pretty much

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Several varieties of hearty barley soups, Cocido (Mexican beef soup with delicious vegetables including Chayote squash), Carbonara, Risotto and fudge

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Turtles, DUH!
Why I Kick A$$: Did I tell you I PR'd on Sunday? Yay, I am still riding that wave. 
Thankful Three

1. Krav Maga
2. Chobani bulk packs at Costco
3. my new found resolve to get my belly under control 

Monday Motivation: Jell-O Shots and a PR

Success means having the courage, the determination, and the will to become the person you believe you were meant to be.

~George Sheehan

I confess. I.Self.Sabotage. Do you do this? Do you set yourself up for failure? I don't know what my deal is with success, but I am deathly afraid of it. Maybe that is my subconscious's strategy, set self up to fail, then when I don't fail, SUCCESS! Good strategy, eh? It could be that when one succeeds the level of expectation for that person rises. When one succeeds, people expect continued success, higher levels of performance and on and on. It is weird because generally I tend to be wildly successful, not bragging in the least. I am a very lucky girl and have more to be thankful for than I had any right ever to expect in my life. Nice people like to tell me it is because I work hard, I have overcome obstacles and deserve it. Blah-Blah-Blah. I know I am lucky and damn it I am sticking to it. I will continue to work my A$$ off since I do not expect the luck/good fortune that is continuously bestowed upon me. So why am I telling you all of this?

A month or so ago I found out about my friends going away party. She is one of my oldest friends and has joined the Army Reserves and will be leaving for several months of training. I knew I wouldn't be able to miss it and it was scheduled for the day before my Spring "A" race 1/2 marathon. So I had to make some decisions. I had already paid for my race, was half way through my training and didn't want to totally trash the race in favor of a party night. I also had a Krav Maga 2-hour workshop scheduled to prepare me for my belt testing later this month. Fortunately the workshop was exactly that, a workshop. I had worried it was going to be a 2-hour full on work out that would fatigue me for Sunday's race. Thankfully the party was broken up into two sections too, so it looked like my full Saturday wasn't going to completely throw off my Sunday event. The pre-party 6:30-10:00 and the party bus/bar hopping 10:00-whenever. I opted for the pre-party only and thought I would have one celebratory drink.

Yeah, um I am not sure exactly how many jell-O shots I had (they were mini's) but it was some where around 12 and the main drink was "jungle juice," only had a couple of those. I was sure I was done when the chug a beer with other wussy beer chuggers gauntlet as thrown. Normally I wouldn't compete, but the other three girls also claimed to have difficulty chugging so I was in. Loser had to drink another beer. As you might have suspected, I was the lucky winner. I have never won a beer chugging contest. I am pretty sure it took me about 5 minutes and I still won!

I also chose a 1/2 marathon scheduled for the weekend of the daylight savings time change. I got home relatively early Saturday night, but because of road closures I needed to get to the race site far earlier than any race director should ever make people show up. UGH! I seriously was close to falling asleep driving. When I got to the race I seriously considered taking a 1/2 hour nap in the car, but was afraid I'd sleep through my phone alarm.

Yup, while I brushed my teeth, I wasn't so awake when I left home that I felt like washing my Saturday night make up off. In case you were wondering blue eye-shadow was not just an 80's thing.

The Acutal Report:

• The gun went off and the crowd was so thick we were walking a good amount of time. We went in front of Raley Field, home of the Rivercats Baseball Team, then over a Golden Bridge which you can see in the background of the finish photo of my sorority sister and I. Only half the road as closed so the trip over the bridge and to the Sacramento State capitol was severely conjested. My garmin read something like a 12 min pace for a long while so half mile in I already felt pressured to run hard to get with my pace group. By pace group, I mean I was hoping to get the 2:10 pace group in my sights.
• Around mile 2 I finally got passed the 2:20 pace group and mentally decided to just try and stay ahead of the 2:20 group since my previous PR was 2:22 and change.
• Mile 3  I was already beating my 5K PR time and was feeling pretty good. I walked through the aid station at 3.5 and kind freaked out at the garmin response. To see 10:00 min pace drop to 11:30 so quickly kept me on my toes to not walk too much.Miles 4-9 were on paved trail along the American River and crossed two bridges. It was ok, but I remember really having to focus on my breath to keep moving at my goal race pace. I walked an aid station as planned just shy of mile 6. At mile 6 I was on track to beat my 10K PR time and felt really motivated that I could RUN the rest of this race. I emphasize RUN because up until this point in my running life I have jogging and not really pushed myself. This race I really felt like for the first time I was really going to leave it all out on the field. It was a pretty cool thought.
• Mile 7 was by far the longest mile ever and I can't for the life of me tell you why, but the marker felt like it was never going to appear. Around mile 8 I started to feel some aches in my left hip flexor and tightness in my right knee. I really focused on form this mile to make it through. It was around this point that I decided that I really don't want to do a full marathon this year.
• Just shy of mile 9 I decided I was going to walk, then magically the mile 9 marker appeared and with it a new sense of resolve. At mile 9 I didn't think, "Ah man, 4 more miles?" I thought, "hell yeah, I can knock out 4 miles!" We were in Old Sacramento at this point and there were people cheering so I was moving! The aid station as we exited Old Sac was not prepared for us and so I skipped the station and my scheduled walk break.
• Mile 10 I felt tired. Like I wanted to stop, lay on the ground and sleep kind of tired. I let myself walk a few feet.
• Mile 11 sucked and my feet hurt. Yes, the whiner in me was coming out. I still ran, but every step was effort. My breathing was not controlled.
• Mile 12 we are back crossing that damn Gold Bridge and while I am telling myself I can do anything for 1.1 miles and hoping I could magically convince my legs to run an 8 min mile. On the flip side I wasn't exactly giving myself positive reinforcement or encouragement. My brain sounded something like this: "What's wrong with you?" "You have come this far and now you have to walk?" "You're terrible, it is times like this that it's all heart, apparently you lack in this arena. ""It is a mental game, you are supposed to be able to do this." I know, I am embarassed that I do this to myself, but there you have it. Me in all my honesty.
• Passing in front of the ball park to loop around into the park for a third base line finish line finish. There were a couple moments where I really tried to will myself to a hard sprint, only the the last tenth of a mile that was in the stadium got the super duper effort.

Even though I knew it was a huge PR for me, I was disappointed. I let my meaness to myself in the last miles over shadow how freak'n awesome I did. While my goals were to: A. Best Case break 2:15, B. Happy Case anything under my 2:22 previous PR, C. worst case just FINISH, I still found myself on the course thinking I could grow wings and hit 2:10. It wasn't until I got home and uploaded my garmin information that I was truly impressed with myself. Just think if I had hydrated properly, not binge ate junk food the 3 days leading up to the race, got 8 hours sleep and done even 1 of my speed workouts how well I could have done. I need to start focusing on setting myself up for SUCCESS!
Mile 1      10:42
Mile 2      10:08
Mile 3       9:52
Mile 4      10:17
Mile 5      10:09
Mile 6      10:19
Mile 7      9:54
Mile 8      10:20
Mile 9      10:23
Mile 10    10:06
Mile 11    10:29
Mile 12    10:25
Mile 13    10:05
Mile 13.1 :47 (8:00 min pace)
My Garmin Read 2:14:01

The official Race time is 2:13:58!

Here is me and one of my sorority sister's before the race and after.

   

Why I Kick A$$: Because I totally took advantage of the personalized bib thing. Isn't this super cute?!

Thankful Three:

1. For being prepared. Despite my self sabotage with Saturday's impossible schedule, I was physically prepared for the 1/2 and therefore still had the opportunity to succeed
2. For my vision board, I guess it kinda worked (see the break 2:15 goal)
3. For my garmin

 Yes my vision board is totally shoty, I need to take a glue gun to it and flesh it out a bit.

Sunday Summary: Spring Forward PR

If you want to make your dreams come true, the first thing you have to do is wake up.  

~J.M. Power

2:14:01

unofficial half marathon time, but definitely a PR

I hated that this morning was Spring Forward, I really could have fallen asleep driving to the event.

Why I Kick A$$: I PR'd

Thankful Three

1. For sorority sisters who run
2. The fort in my living room right now
3. My new rice/heat thingy

I'm Back!

Things turn out best for the people who make the best of the way things turn out.

~John Wooden

Positive Energy Nets Positive Results. It is our quarterly quote at work and I am working on owning it. Things have not always gone my way, but lately I have been embracing the idea that my circumstances are my own and I can make the best of them so I can shoot for the best possible outcome. Here's how this relates:

My Running Life

My A race this spring is this Sunday's 1/2 marathon. I have an opportunity at a Krav Maga workshop this Saturday that will prepare me for my first belt testing. So what did I do? I signed up for the Krav Maga workshop. The downside is I will probably have some decent muscle fatigue Sunday from Saturday's effort. I want to PR, but know that it may not be in the cards for me. I am happy with my training, my consistent weekly runs and how I have taken on trail runs for my long runs so better prepare myself for an easier time on my flat 1/2 marathon. Oh, did I mention I am going to a going away party on Saturday night? Not the best move, but I can't miss saying bye to a great friend as she starts her new journey as a military woman. Anyway, I am really hopeful my mental preparedness will make up for any physical fatigue that might hold me back.

My Work Life

I haven't gotten every promotion I have put in for, bummer. But I have made it my mission to improve the team that lead and thereby make a positive impact on the office as a whole and things are working out. We had a big wig meeting last week and I really felt like I put my best foot forward. One can only do their best and despite some crazy family life issues recently, I really felt like overall I was on my game.

My Home Life

My babies have been sick. Like the whole vomiting in the middle of the night kind of sick. I feel awful for them, but on the happy side, snuggling sick babies at 3 AM while watching A Bug's Life until their tummy settles is pretty precious. In other home life news you all probably have read my cousin died. I am sad, but the whole funeral service was focused on what's next? How will we as family and friends continue a life that was cut short? Some of my family is talking about doing relay for life because she died of a rare cancer. Others are donating blood at specific blood banks that will contribute $10 to the local hospital where she spent her last days for every donation received. I have never donated blood, but I made the call yesterday to get the low down and I am hoping to make Monday 3/14 my first day to donate. Hopefully it is not too traumatic. I am have been too chicken to donate before now, but feel that extra push to give it a try. If I can handle it, I will start the schedule of donating every 56 days which is the max frequency. As for relay for life, I am still researching, but may do it as a family activity to honor her. I don't think I will be one of those people who run with her name on my shirt or anything like that, I know it will come off as completely selfish, but I run for me and am not mature enough to make it about any one else just yet.

Why I Kick A$$: Even when I was grieving (i.e. binge eating on junk food and sleeping for 9 hours a night) I still tracked my calories. 

 

It helped me not go super overboard, but I am annoyed I still gained weight even though I was running and staying in a reasonable calorie range. A friend of mine said the stress could have caused all kinds of imbalances so I'll wait it out. If by April 1st I am still not comfortably in my pants and rock'n a hot body, I may have to try something different.

 

Thankful Three

1. For smooth tequila and chocolate chip cookies
2. For Baskin Robin's mint chocolate chip sundaes
3. Movie night with my family

Thoughtful Thursday...oops on Wednesday: Mental Chaos

Chaos is the score upon which reality is written.

~Henry Miller

This post was going to be a short one liner about how my cousin died Monday and I am having a hard time remaining focused. My plan was to let you all know that I need a break and would be back next week sometime. Instead I am sitting here and all kinds of thoughts are going through my brain. It is literally mental chaos. With no rhyme or reason to the order here is a little peak inside.

• Today I went to work, I posted our quarterly quote to our glass display "Positive Energy Nets Positive Results," colored up all the management cubicles with green four leaf clovers,  semi-decorated our break room, and sent out a message to staff that our March Fun Friday colors are going to be purple or green to celebrate St. Patty's Day/Mardi Gras. Sounds peppy right? Nope, I tried to fake it, but I felt like a total zombie. I think it is important to create a positive work atmosphere even if I am teetering on a complete emotional break down and total normalcy. It's weird to be on the edge.
• I found out just before mid-night on Monday that my cousin died. I didn't sleep well/at all and had a 5:00 AM running date. I was so thankful for my running date. My feet felt light, I was finally not feeling the sinus cold/flu I have been battling for a couple weeks and the easy 3 miles flew by. I am thankful for running, running partners and the mental freedom I felt on that run.
• Krav Maga has been going well, I am learning to defend against choke holds and attacks when I have been knocked to the ground. There is a workshop day Saturday the 12th that is supposed to prepare us for testing for the yellow belt. I am currently without belt. It is kind of exciting to see results of my training and I am excited to hopefully move on to the next level.
• My half marathon training is going pretty well. I am far more consistent with my weekly runs and long runs this time around. The one thing I have not been doing is a mid week longer run. Tomorrow I'll get to put in 5 with my running partner and that will be a good mid week given I have a 10 mile trail run Saturday.
• My intention was to PR my half marathon on Sunday March 13th. With a 2 hour Krav Maga prep session, I need to get comfortable with the idea that my body may be a bit worn out on Sunday. Not to mention that a friend who recently joined the military is having a going away party that night. If I don't control the things that I can to prep for a PR, I can't reasonably expect to PR.
• I got a great fortune cookie fortune, pre-cousin's death news. It said, "Your hard work will soon pay off." I had a whole post in mind about how it could mean I am going to rock my half marathon or that the big visit with the big boss at work tomorrow was going to yield a high-five or two from a big wig, but instead all I can think about is how behind I feel in my work life because my mental focus isn't what it normally is.
• I started tracking my calories again Monday. Mel over at Tall Mom on the Run blogged recently about hitting the "Reset" button. I am too lazy to link to her or the specific post so please if you are interested, google and check the blog archive. In a nutshell, and I believe even she was referencing someone else, she talked about hitting the reset button on her weight. I am up a bit on my weight and was ready to restart. The second I even said the words I felt like I was starving. Given the things on my mind lately, I can't tell you how much I would rather be sitting on my couch binging on ice cream and other junk food to try and "feel better."
• I am fairly sure I had something else to say, but I was temporarily distracted by a funny scene on the TV show Modern Family and can't remember. Oh wait, I remember, I have a bruising right eye and while it hurt, it just starting bruising today and I couldn't remember how that happened. My guess, I probably got hit at Krav Maga class Monday night.

If I am back before Monday great, if not I plead Chaotic Mind syndrome.

Why I Kick A$$: I actually blogged today and totally had to come back and update it since apparently it is not Thursday. Geez, my brain is pudding right now. Mmm, pudding sounds good, not brain pudding, but chocolate pudding.

Thankful Three:

1. For genuine laughing while watching Modern Family with Super Hubby
2. For Jamba Juice Peanut Butter Moo'd at afternoon break
3. For my family and the time get to spend with them

Sunday Summary: A lot for one post

Not what we have

But what we enjoy,

constitutes our abundance.

~Epicurus 

Wow, where did the week go. I was pretty sick last week and took Thursday and Friday off from running. The rest was good, but I still have a little bitty sinus cold. My sweet sweet husband and sucker for a good REI deal scored thise red leather Keens at 50% off and score major points with me for the gesture.

I also got two deliveries this week the first was my box of "futures" I order at a Napa Valley wine barrel tasting from last spring. In addition to 3 bottles of Carignan, I also a order a couple bottles of zin and my absolute favorite, a 2004 Nebbiolo that was pressed with barbera skins still in the press and made this mild grape really burst into a truly Noble wine. See Sunce.

 The second was my Valentine's Day gift exchange gift. My secret Valentine was the organizer herself Melissa. She is super fun, energetic and inspiring. Please stop by and visit her BLOG. Thanks Melissa! My purple sparkle laces are freak'n fantastic and I am all about making a new running playlist with my iTunes card. My 3 year old has hijacked the sweets. PERFECT nail color. PERFECT.

Friday? Friday was heavy. I visited my cousin in the hospital again. She is still in ICU, but now she is off all her helping slow the cancer meds and is only on sedative pain management. She was expected to pass last Monday, but there we were Friday and she was still hanging on. There are lots of mixed emotions in what seemingly feels like the waiting game. Enough about that, moving on to less tragic topics.

This Friday was a scheduled wine weekend. A girl friend who works for the same agency as I do was supposed to work an event Saturday in Murphy's. We were supposed to taste and stay over night in the area after the event. The storm prompted the event organizer to push the event to late March. So I suggested we use my in-laws place, take advantage of the free overnight stay and hit the fantastic tiny town of Plymouth in Amador County then head into Lodi Sunday for more wine tasting. We had a fantastic San Francisco style fancy meal in the lovely foothill town of Plymouth. Check it out TASTE. There was a light snow on Saturday. We were trying to catch a picture of it in the snap shot above. Here is a great picture of the pond at my in-laws Land house.

Why I Kick A$$: Um so maybe I don't kick as much A$$ as my wine collection, but I must say I do have Kick A$$ taste wine.

Thankful Three

1. For finally not being the tallest girl in a photo
2. For having such lovely friends to spend the weekend with
3. For a cozy night on the couch watching the Oscar's with my hubby 

Tuesday Tidbit: Hit the Trail

Running helps me stay 
on an even keel and 
in an optimistic frame of mind

~Bill Clinton

I am not feeling my best today, but despite the obvious flu symptoms I ran again this morning. Not far but I did run. I also toughed out most of my work day, but had to go home sick this afternoon. I am souping it up and downing lots of liquids. I will get better. I have no desire for my usual sweets and treats, but I couldn't pass on my run. Finally it seems my priorities are straight. Running can't be missed, sweets and treats can be saved for another time. Today, there is not much of a post, so I chose some trail tips from an amazing trail runner. If you haven't hit a trail or don't do it often, you should.

Why I Kick A$$: Of course because I ran at 5:15am

Thankful Three

1. For a boss who would have let me leave way earlier than I actually left the office
2. For Tomato soup
3. Chick flicks in the middle of the day

People can be divided into three groups: 

those who make things happen, 

those who watch things happen, 

and those who wonder what happened. 

Showing up is 80% of life. 

–WOODY ALLEN

Hello and welcome to my first non-pity party post in a while. Today I woke up even more stuffy than the previous two days. I felt this sickness coming on, but today I got confirmation. The tense muscles I thought were from Krav Maga, yeah, now I am thinking they are the aches and pains that go with the flu. I was feeling pretty junky this morning, but throwing up in the drive way kinda sealed the deal on the flu question. Did I go back into the house and snuggle in bed? Nope. I felt pretty committed to go to my 8 mile trail run this morning.  I was actually pretty proud of myself for going as I am kinda chicken to do races alone. Other things no problem, races...um not so much. I felt totally yucky when I got there and it was freak'n cold. My feet were completely frozen for two miles, the numb kind of frozen. The good news is I felt like I was moving at a lovely 10:30 comfortable clip and when my watch beeped I was running sub-10. How cool is that? I suddenly felt better. Feeling better, didn't last long. I thought my mile 3 Chocolate Power Gel just wasn't going down with the ice cold water well, but at mile 4 the nausea I was feeling when I woke up had come back. This is not going to be a woe is me post. Actually I would like to tell you what I have learned over the last couple of weeks with my training and my long runs.

1	10:26	1	9:54
2	10:38	2	9:57
3	11:15	3	10:45
4	11:51	4	11:35
5	12:15	5	11:50
6	10:01	6	12:34
Total	6.0	7	13:22
		8	10:41
		.27	10:07
		Total	8.27

While it would have been great to "race" this, it was actually a training run. I am planning a flat half marathon on March 13th and I am terrible at getting my long runs in alone. My strategy? Sign up for races to substitute as long runs. I was truly a lucky girl to find a progressive trail series. A couple weeks ago the distance was 6, this week is was 8 and a couple weeks from now it will go up to 10, then culminate 3 weeks after that with a trail half marathon. If you are wondering, I will also be doing the trail half on March 26th also. I truly feel like the 10k to half marathon distances are my strong suit. They are long enough that I feel accomplished and short enough to be able to train for in a reasonable amount of time. Speaking of training....

In the 8 mile distance I moved at a faster clip my first 5 miles as compared to the 6 mile distance, but then I really lost it on the hills. Does my big slow down mean I went out too fast? I am still trying to understand proper training and pacing. I thought that in the 6 mile race I took the hills on a bit too hard and that it then made me slow down to a walk and that I walked way to long for recovery. Today I decided to run what I could, but to walk more often, but for less time each time. That worked well for mile 4, but by mile 5 I was allowing the mole hills to feel like mountains and walking very manageable hills. Yes I was feeling sick, but at the same time I know this was a mental challenge for me. Also if you look at the comparisons above I lose steam after 3 miles. My guess is that I need a longer distance run mid-week. If I am running 2-4 miles at a time during the week, of course my body is going to feel done after 2-4 miles in a race. I have a longer distance run scheduled for mid-week and every other week it incorporates some speed work, but I just haven't been sticking to that run. The first thing I need to do is step it up and stick to the schedule.  The good thing is is that I can turn it up at the end and I like that doing it at the 6 mile race wasn't a fluke. I really can dig deep to finish strong, yay me! The major reason I was able to do it at the 6 mile race was a Tri Club member basically pulled me. Today it was a complete stranger. I chatted with said stranger and another friend of hers after the race. I remember the other girl from the 6 mile too and presto, I now will have two familiar faces at the 10 mile race. Runners are a pretty cool crowd.

The other thing that I need to work on is stretching. Early this week I felt some funkiness in the left knee and after the 8 miles I felt some tightness deep in my left tush. I do not want to injure myself. I.NEED.TO.STRETCH.REGULARLY. The third thing I need to do is focus more on my hydration. I was really dehydrated a week or so ago, then this sickness started coming on. I felt like I was drowning myself in water. Now I know I should be taking water more frequently in smaller quantities throughout the day vs. downing a water bottle at work and then another on the drive home. Taking care of myself is important and I need to make it more of a priority.

I need help. How do I learn to be stronger in the middle of the race with no one around to pull me? I will tell you I have considered music, but I just don't feel right listening to music on a trail run. The other thing is today it was supposed to rain, it was gorgeous, but had it rained wouldn't my iPhone/iPOD get soaked?

Why I Kick A$$: Because I show up rain or shine, flu or no flu.

Thankful Three

1. For Muddy Trail Runs
2. For Saltine Crackers
3. For My Couch

Friday Five: Insecurity

 I act like sh*t don't phase me, 

inside it drives me crazy, 

my insecurities could eat me alive.

~Eminem

1. Ok, so I don't act like sh*t don't phase me. I totally lack a poker face. There are some insecurities that could eat me alive. Mostly, I am insecure about my performance (get your mind out of the gutter, there are no problems with that performance). I kinda feel the need to be the best at everything. Lately I am focusing on the fact that ~I DO NOT HAVE TO APOLOGIZE FOR BEING AWESOME and someone's success is it's own thing, not a missed opportunity of me to have had the lime light.
2. I have a tendency to make others great at what they do by sharing knowledge, equipping them with tools to succeed and doing so without BROADCASTING why I deserve credit for their success. It is kinda how I roll. I think I get this from my basketball coaching days and college years when I thought I was going to become a teacher. Unfortunately, I then get talkers/helpers remorse thinking I wasn't looking out for #1 enough, hello insecurity. My husband works in private sector and #1 is all that matters in that arena (mostly). Well I work in public sector and if there isn't team cohesiveness no one is successful. We must help each other so that we are all performing at high levels. GO TEAM!
3. I wish I pushed myself at sports as hard as I pushed myself in my career. Sometimes I feel like I am afraid to succeed. What would happen if I tried my hardest at every work out? This year is my year for speed and consistency. I am already doing better in both categories this year and I totally carry myself well if I miss a work out like hot sh*t because maybe I ran 1x that particular week. When really my insecurity is that people are going to see right through my wishy washy workouts and see I am not the athlete I wish I was.
4. Today (hormone alert), my husband came home. I was on the couch, drinking a glass of wine and enjoying a chocolate or two while reading Oprah Magazine and watching Biggest Loser on DVR. On the face of it I was living the relaxing dream. Then my husband got home with kids and I suggested he get a drink and sit on the couch for a while. He declined as there was "too much to do." He couldn't be idle when dinner still had to be made and dishes needed to be done. He said he'd do it and I could stay where I was, but that he just wasn't comfortable. Do you feel the insecurity coming? It is CRAZY HARD to be married to Super Hubby. He does everything at least 10x better than I do and so I constantly have the whole insecure in my wifey duties thing going. On the flip side I do my best to make it seem like it doesn't phase me that it is part of our partnership, but yeah check #1, I.DO.NOT.HAVE.A.POKER.FACE. it kills me that I feel like a slacker wife. I am just not ambitious when it comes to wifey stuff.
5. I am using the act like it doesn't phase me strategy to over come some insecurity. Like positive self talk, I think that if I tell myself that things are great, I am great, I look great and I am great at everything that I do, then even though I feel like I am lame, look fat and am not perfect at everything I do, that if I tell myself I am great and project a positive attitude about my self esteem that magically I will wake up and actually have the self esteem thing locked in. Yes I know a does of reality will have to creep in and I will have to acknowledge sometimes putting on a show is not the best way to deal with things. I just think that a healthy does of armor to shield insecurities is a great way to overcome unnecessary insecurity.

Why I Kick A$$: This morning I did not let the rain at 6AM deter me from my run.
Thankful Three

1. Kind bloggers and their kind words
2. For flipping that frown upside down and letting my insecurities motivate me to be extra awesome just so I can convince myself I am as awesome as others see me.
3. For bananas, Oreos and hot chocolate for breakfast

Thoughtful Thursday: Where do I start?

The ability to simplify means 

to eliminate the unnecessary 

so that the necessary may speak.   

~Hans Hofmann, Introduction to the Bootstrap, 1993 

I finished last week with such energy and this week I am having difficulty see which way is up. Work has been awkward, not really productive, but not really bad either. Just blah, which is weird, because I have been feeling like super rock star lately. On the workout front I had high hopes for a long run this weekend, but Friday and Saturday were really full and Sunday slipped through my grasp. We all must have been exhausted because my kids and I took about a 2 1/2 hour nap on Sunday. My saving grace has been my Monday & Wednesday Krav Maga sessions and my Tuesday run after work. Tomorrow I have a date at 6am to run with a Tri Club buddy, so hopefully the rain stays away for us. One of the biggest differences workout wise is that I ran 3 mornings last week and I think it set the tone each day. Then I took 4 days off from running and ta-da, say hello to the funk. I am trying to pull myself out of it, but it's tough. Chocolate, bread, goldfish crackers, ice cream, cookies and candy, but still no luck. The workouts have helped, but no amazing dose of endorphins has come of the efforts so far. I am looking forward to my run tomorrow, a great 8 mile trail run Saturday and fun day at the snow Sunday. Thank you Mr. President's I do so appreciate the day off on Monday in your honours.

The true sources of my funk: I am feeling suffocated by stuff. I need to declutter. I bought the current issue of O Magazine because the cover has a big ad for an article on "De-Clutter Your Life!" Have I read it yet? Nope. So keep too many documents and never get around to shredding. I have too much "stuff", too many clothes and lord knows what else. I went through my workout clothes and only got rid of 2 event non-Tech T-shirts. 

How much workout gear do you have? 

I have 5 capri's, 4 running skirts, 4 pairs of shorts, 4 pairs of tights, way too many tech-tees, 5 long sleeves, a few warm outer layers, too many socks and a perfect amount of hair things like head bands.

I volunteer way too much. It is not alot actually, but is a lot when I work full time, make time for my family, make time for me and then try to: sit on the board at my synagogue, raise money to rebuild our religious school, schedule and execute a baking workshop that generates hundreds of dollars, re-write drafts of official correspondance as an alumni of my college sorority and other miscellaneous things that come up in life. I need to de-clutter my obligations.

'Tis very certain the desire of life prolongs it.  

~Lord Byron

Finally, my cousin is dying. She is 18 and I used to say she had cancer, today I caught myself telling someone she is dying. I can't really understand it when the words come out of my mouth. I think about the time not spent with her or her family, events I have missed and even during the last 20 months of battling cancer, all the times I should have been there for her and her family. At first they gave her a couple months, then just a couple weeks. Her family has repeatedly been referred to Hospice, but they continue to battle like they are now. She's has numerous hospital stays and the current fear is that this is her last. She has a fatty tissue sarcoma with a 10 percent survival rate. She has lived 20 longer than doctors expected. The cancer in her leg grew and with chemo and radiation shrunk. She had surgery to remove it and it was supposed to take about 6 hours. It took 12. Her left leg became necrotic, they wanted to amputate. She said now and within a couple weeks regained a pulse and her leg began to heal. The stupid cancer spread to her lungs. She is a smart girl. Lucid. Physically her body is responding well and her weight is up despite being sick from so much medication and the stupid cancer has taken over her lungs and they don't work. She has been in ICU for 17 days and a ventilator breathes for her. She can communicate just fine despite the tube in her throat. How does she just have to die? I wish I had spent more time with her. Part of me thinks I was selfish, part of me thinks life gets in the way, part of me realizes she is 18 and I am 31 with a family of my own and just didn't budge time. I don't know. I just see the way my aunt and uncle look at her. I see in their eyes pain, confusion, their everlasting view of this 18 year girl as their baby. It makes me miss my family even more when I am not with them and fear every little thing that might go on in our life path. As you may surmise from my blog posts I am not excellent at coping. I either go overboard with a workout or more often go overboard with eating. I am also a crier. Sometimes I just need to let it out and for days like that I have the movie The Notebook. 

Yes I know this is not the strong Ra-Ra-Ra I am the strongest worker-outer, runner, triathlete, rockstar employee post, but it is still me. It's the raw, you see what you get, I am a total wimp sometimes and have ~gasp~flaws that are not weight, running, swimming, biking or work related. Don't tell anyone.

Why I Kick A$$: Because I am so blessed for the gifts G-d has given me with my family and I am smart enough to see it.

Thankful Three

1. For snuggling with my sniffly children at midnight
2. For being able to unload honestly on this blog and not have to apologize for it  
3. For visiting hours

Monday Motivation: My cupcake

Stressed spelled backwards is desserts.  

Coincidence?  I think not!  

~Author Unknown

I don't even know where to start to recap my weekend so I am just going to keep it short and come back when I've got a little more. In the mean time, this is my Bug after a bite of lemon cupcake with lemon frosting...we were a little chocolated out this weekend.

Why I Kick A$$: Because I make time for my friends and they make time for me. Thanks D&L for a fantastic night hanging out and letting the kids get so tired Saturday night that I got to sleep in Sunday morning.

Thankful Three

1. Lady Antebellum-American honey
2. Eminem-Love the way you lie
3. Couch potato, junk food night while watching the Grammy's on DVR