Slow and Steady

Friday, May 27, 2011

Friday Five: Friendship

Life is partly what we make it, 
and partly what is made by the friends we choose.
~Tennessee Williams

I am feeling a little sappy today so Friday Fives is all about Friendship. I will admit and my friends will tell you, I am kind of friendship retarded. Seriously. I have analyzed myself to bits and my friends aren't shy with feedback either. I had very few girl friends growing up. I had my BFF from kindergarten, the new addition from 2nd grade, and my college roommate all of whom I still keep in touch with today. I have my current crowd that I am trying to nurture too, the new friends, the ones I hope to have for a long time to come. Sure there were friends that weaved in and out through grade school, high school, college and jobs. Those that came, went and are back again. You know those that burned bright for a short while, but fizzled for no one reason. A lot of times it is growing apart, changing interests or social groups, or worse, choosing to separate. 

I have had lots of great people in my life and very few not so good. I am really lucky, but I am still friendship retarded. I am awful at keeping in touch. If I can't randomly text you or Facebook you, we're likely to lose touch. I am terrible at making phone calls, writing letters and sending gifts. Don't get me wrong, I think about it and even have a gift right now in my trunk that has been sitting there for more than 2 months because I haven't hit the post-office yet. Maybe that is why I love blog world so much, we can all love each other with the 2 minutes every 3 Friday of every odd month, and we're rarely offended. We're vain. Blog world is about us and I think there is an understanding that the time commitment thing is going to vary greatly.

My sisters are 10 and 8 years older than I am so I pretty much grew up an only child. I had lots of cousins in my home town...more than 20 first cousins in a 1 mile radius. So my husband's hypothesis is quite interesting. My cousins were my friends and thus when we fought we probably fought harder than friends would because we knew the damage wouldn't be as lasting. After all we're family, we're going to see each other pretty much every day and have to love each other anyway. The other part is, our family is pretty prideful. Total grudge holders, so as hard as we fought, we also knew to choose our battles carefully because making up was a bitch. With regular friends I couldn't fight the same, so we rarely fought. My bad, I didn't speak up for myself much and those few icky friends, really got the best of me. Can you say doormat? I also didn't really know how to make up well because I totally got the "hold a grudge" gene. Don't make me go chronological on your A$$. Yup, I have a mental record, a historical version of how everything goes down, all the time.

Family secrets? You know we have got'em. Yup, if stuff went down, you kept it in the family. So when friends came along it was kind of awkward, because while I am a totally sharer...I talk way too much, I am not exactly an open book. I will connect with you, share common interests and blabber on in this blog in an effort to self actualize, but as much as I tell you my fellow bloggers (which is a lot) and what I share with my friends, there are a choice few who I will really confide in, trust and totally open myself to. Some of it is to maintain that sense of pride, not get embarrassed or burned, but the rest is because I honestly don't think most people have the capacity to get me or some of the crazy shit that seems to happen in my life. Pretty vain I know, but that is just me, putting faith in others is difficult. And this my blogger friends is a deal breaker for friendship candidates. I have had a few "almost" friendships that ended or were derailed because they could totally sense that they were putting in more than I was willing to give. Are you Guarded?

Here are 5 Awesome Friend Shout Outs for this week:
  1. Sunday, my friend WC totally came through and saved me when I thought some guys were following me and the kids home. She's kind of a hot shit parole officer so I knew not only would she be there for me, she would whoop A$$ in our stranger danger situation. Turns out they were probably casing my neighborhood for general opportunities, but I was scared and totally vulnerable and she was there for me and my family. WC is one of those kind souls that can console, shift into a bad a$$ in .1 second and totally be the girly wine drinking, Jane Austen movie watching, running buddy and book club hangout girl that anyone reading this would love to have in a friend.
  2. AW pulled out a nice showing this week by doing a double date movie: me, AW and our mother-in-laws. I know, how cute is that. She is one of those that we weave in and out of hang out frequency, but that we know we can call on any time. The fact that we work together makes not talking every day by phone or whatever totally offset by the hellos in the hallway as we hustle off to do our different jobs.
  3. DS-gotta love her. There is a very weird bond between us. We think alike, can be total tomboys and emotional girl wrecks 2 seconds later...oh and our husbands think that we're having a love affair. We live in different cities and don't see each other nearly enough, but the phone call or text every other week or Facebook post reminds us we are connected. If I could live up to being a better me, I would want to be like DS. This week her message was that we need to spend time together soon. Just saying that we "needed" to hang out says it. Not it would be nice, or we should get together sometime, etc. When she said needed, I totally got it, because an hour of DS time could keep me sane for a month.
  4. EO, love love love her. This week she called not for me, but to check on my mom and make sure she was doing ok after my grandmother passed. See that is good people right there. Sure grandma died a few weeks ago, sure there were condolences right after, but EO understands that the pain continues no matter how much time has passed and is considerate of that. Did I mention she probably single handedly outfitted my son via her sons hand me downs? Family girl, trust worthy and my Comadre in every sense of the word.
  5. My MIL. Yes I know it is sappy, but I feel like we are totally reconnecting. We were tight, hung out, shared books, watched movies together and then had a few awkward periods in the last couple of years. Sometimes we were closer than others, hanging out more often that other times, but recently not only are we connecting more often, it hasn't gotten easier. There is nothing worse that the awkward period after a disconnect while you are trying to reconnect and we are totally passed that and just hanging out. She gets all kinds of Friday High Fives for getting me through two days of 132 Dobos Torte cakes too:)
Why I Kick A$$: I make good friend choices and that includes awesome bloggers who inspire and motivate me to step up my game as a person.
Thankful Three
  1. For my hubby, while he wasn't in the shout out five, I am a better me because of him
  2. For my cousins who remain my tightest and closests friends to this day
  3. For the this blog


track coach and adorable wife said...

I can be the same way with friends. I am not a phone talker, and also have good intentions, but rarely follow through. A lot has to do with my shyness, but I am more laid back and sarcastic so tend to do better with guys or my family, they get me. Plus I have 3 sisters, and they are my closest friends and I truly enjoy hanging out with them!

Julie said...

Great post!

Christi said...

I hear ya girl on friends. I don't have a lot but the ones I have I hold very close because I don't trust people easily.

Have a great weekend!