Thoughtful Thursday: Burn out? High School Reunion

The price of anything 

is the amount of life you exchange for it. 

~Henry David Thoreau

I don't know what it is, but I am burnt out. Today I went home sick from work and I rarely get sick and even more rarely require taking sick time. I know some of today was brought on by the following:

• Dehydration
• Poor diet
• Very little exercise
• Oh and a little tiny bit can be attributed to a minor ailment, which is usually controlled with proper hydration, proper diet and proper exercise.

I keep coming back to the same concept and that is, it is super hard to dig oneself out of a hole. So why do I fall off the wagon? Because prevention is challenging. It requires planning, commitment and follow through. Planning I have down, no problem. Commitment and follow through, well I am still working on those. But maybe that is what I am tired of? Work is stable, home is stable, but personal time for relaxation, socializing and exercise are not in healthy balance and what do you know? It is a challenge too, apparently it also requires planning, commitment and follow through. So where do I start?

What is new? Uh, not a whole lot. I checked my training calendar pinned to my fancy vision board that I look at every day. It was a 12 week plan to my half marathon in October.....yeah.....uh, I am down to 8.5 weeks and I have started. I will probably spend some time planning that, might even take some action and revise the 12 weeks to the current 8.5. I have run the course. I know I can finish. I was never trying to PR. Now I just need to work on being able to complete it injury free. Wow, like I have said more than once LOL

What else is new? Oh yeah, I have my 15 year high school reunion on Saturday. No our class wasn't super on top of it for a 10 year, but we are making up for it with a 15. Did I mention I am nervous? I should have been motivated to try to slim down, but it didn't happen. It is funny, I didn't think of myself as all that pretty in high school, but looking back at photos I looked pretty good. I was such a dumb insecure teenager. So what did looking back at high school photos do for me? Make me a dumb insecure 30 something LOL I have an unrealistic expectation that everyone will look exactly as they did in high school or better and I will be the only one that let her self go a bit...ok a little more than a bit but not a lot. I am not fat, I just don't look like the athlete I once was.

Yes I punish myself with this pic by having it on my vision board.

Why I Kick A$$: Because despite my insecurities I bit the bullet and bought tickets to go.

The Big Picture: No, I haven't started training yet, but 8.5 weeks is plenty of time!

Thankful Three:

1. For the ability to leave work before puking in my office.
2. For the interest in wanting to blog tonight.
3. For kids that went to bed extra early tonight... I needed some down time.

The Turn Around: Kindergarten and Calories

One should eat to live, not live to eat.

~Benjamin Franklin

Wednesday Hump Day sounds funny to me, but like an out and back run it marks the turn around to the work week. Today was my son's first day of school. Kind of. It was the first day, but it was a short day and parent's stayed to learn the morning routine and classroom rules. Of course Duder was a complete rockstar and made Super Hubby and I EXTREMELY proud. First impressions: Great Teacher, Great Classroom Number, #18, Great Table Group Number, #1 nice kids that he sits with and the first kid he played with at recess used good sharing manners. Positive day indeed.

Where did the time go?

Looking sharp on her first day!

I met with a registered dietician on Monday. I had read over at TMB (before rmr) that she was having trouble losing weight after not having had that problem in a while. When something similar happened to me. I gained 10 lbs. Yes, I know, big deal right? Well when it started to come on I was under stress and had also tappered my running-tri season and wasn't working out much. 10 lbs in those circumstances didn't shock me, but then is settled on me and that I wasn't having. So I did what people are supposed to do. I worked out and ate better. No cigar. Seriously? So I tried a more conservative approach, more frequent non-competetive training style workouts, just walking, moving and eating better. Nope. Then I saw my doctor. I can't the type of food that I eat. Read: No fried food, no fast food and a plant based diet. The focus on fiber really made me feel better digestively and I had energy. Guess what I still had? A BELLY. A belly that still didn't fit into my size 10s. Yup, you read that right. I don't want to look like a super model, ok maybe I do, but I am not willing to put in the work to make my body unnaturally thin, what was I saying??? Oh, I don't want to be a super model, I don't want to lose 100 lbs. I want to fit in my size 10's by losing a menacing 10 lbs. Not a lot to ask, but 4-5 months into this (October-February) I wasn't seeing any results and I was gaining a little more. Yuck. So I went to my physician, my blood work came out normal. I was taken off meds I had been on for almost 2 years. Did blood work again 2 months later when the meds were out of my system, still normal. Went to an endocrinologist, normal. Went to the gyno, normal. YAY for normal, boo for not knowing what the deal was with this now 10+ lbs. Finally, I called on a registered dietician.

I told her my tale of woes and commented on how when I was eating clean for 6 weeks I gained weight and frustrated by the outcome, gave up, binged on fast food and lost weight. I joked how fast food really is malnourishment if I lost weight eating it. So she said it sounded like maybe I wasn't getting enough calories. We did some simple math about how many calories I need to function. No shocker here since I am terrible at math, I wasn't getting nearly enough calories. Yes I should still eat clean, no I don't have to restrict things I like to eat, but I do need to consider moderation. Water, fiber and protein intake sounds good, but I now need to look at my calories as a target. Calories are something I am shooting to get enough of, not "stay under" or restrict myself to. What a relief, and what a great new perspective for me. I didn't think much about calories when I was training for things because I was exercising enough to eat whatever I want. Now that I operate like an average person, not training hard, I need to know how to eat to live. Novel concept I know, eating to live, but I didn't understand that message. I ate clean, but not enough. Similar to TMB (after rmr) I needed more calories, not like TMB it was "just because" whereas she workouts so hard she needs crazy amounts of calories to function. We didn't do RMR testing with fancy breathing machine, just simple RD calculations for body function and I am really optimistic after the last couple of days.

It has only been 2.5 days and I have lost weight, but my goal is a month long goal, not a week long instant gratification goal, although instant gratification is my favorite. Conservatively I am shooting to lose 3-4 lbs in a month. I'll check in August 31st and if simply changing my calorie needs didn't do it, we'll look at other factors like how my body metabolizes food. My fingers are crossed it was a simple mistake in applying math to my caloric intake. I love myfitnesspal, but the settings were incorrect for my needs. What I love is that you can customize your goals so I can still use the application with my RD's recommendations.

Why I Kick A$$: I survived the first day of kindergarten.

The Big Picture: I haven't held onto this 10+ lbs for more than a year so I am hoping that this works and I can say that these 10lbs are not permanent lbs.

Thankful Three:

1. For the day off
2. For great friends
3. For the nap I am about to take